10 Ways To Have Killer Confidence Every Single Day

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Overcoming insecurity is easier than you think.

Imagine yourself sitting in a team meeting. A rally cry for the latest, innovative, revenue-generating idea rings throughout the room, and a frenzy erupts as your co-workers froth at the mouth like rabid dogs, vying for position as the next Wonder Kid on the corporate ladder.

And there you sit, frozen and wringing your hands, eyes slightly cast down, knots in your stomach as the ping-pong of thoughts ravages your gray matter.

“Do I say something? … No, keep your mouth shut. But I’ve got something to say … No you don’t, they never like your ideas.”

And poof. Once again, your lack of confidence kills the chance of you ever becoming more than a worker bee. Like so many times before, you watch your shot at being Queen Bee go up in a puff of smoke.

Sound familiar? If this isn’t happening at work, perhaps it plays out in your relationships, or even with your own self-care.

The mere act of being human invites attacks on our confidence every single day. And what happens when you lack authentic confidence? You feel unfulfilled, you lack a deep intimate relationship, and you struggle in a job that’s sucking the life out of you — shall we go on?

No need to answer that question. Instead, let’s dive in and boost your sense of self with these 10 steps for cultivating killer confidence:

  1. Stop believing everything you hear

The voices in your head (and the voices of people around) talk complete trash most of the time. So stop heeding them so closely. That trash is far from factual.

  1. Cuddle up with like minds

One of the best ways to gain and sustain confidence is by hanging out with already self-confident people. As author Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Pick your company wisely.

  1. Dress yourself up

It sounds simple, I know, but when you dress yourself up, you really do feel more confident. This phenomenon is called enclothed cognition. Personally, I’m a shorts and Tshirt kind of entrepreneur. But the moment I throw on a killer, well-fitting pair of jeans and a snappy, hipster long-sleeved shirt, appropriately un-tucked, I feel unstoppable.

Want to feel unstoppable, too? Dress the way you want to feel — confident!

  1. Keep learning and show up prepared  

Remember those nightmare dreams from high school and college about showing up to class on an exam day only to realize you’re entirely unprepared? Thank goodness those dreams weren’t real. But they serve as a great reminder that you can never study, learn, or prepare enough. So, stay up to date on topics relevant to your life. Whether that’s power dynamics in the workplace or effectively parenting a toddler.

The more you know, the more confident you’ll feel about handling whatever life throws at you.

  1. Try being real 

There is only one you. The you that came into this human adventure with confidence and uniqueness. Then, that was taken away when you started acting like someone you’re not to please others. Stop doing that and just be the real you. If you don’t know who the real you is … it’s high time you find out! (Hint: The answer is inside of you).

  1. Let your principles and values guide you

Have you ever thought or said, “I would never do that!” in response to someone else’s behavior?

BINGO! That’s living by your principles and values. Keep doing that and you’ll feel like the most confident person in the room, neighborhood, city, country, heck, maybe even the world.

Don’t judge or hate on people who make different choices (that’s not confidence, that’s arrogance), but you also don’t have to do anything that doesn’t feel right for you.

  1. Celebrate your small victories

Yes, we’d all like to immediately retire with a million or two in the bank. Achieving that amount is certainly possible, but it usually doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, you build slowly … adding to your retirement account little by little, until wah-lah — goal reached.

The same applies with building confidence. Take consistent steps every day to nurture your confidence. Celebrate all of those small victories so they prepare you for the big confidence wins down the road!

  1. It’s OK to remain a little irrational or superstitious (if it’s working for you)

Some would argue that Four Leaf Clovers and Lucky Pennies are for wishful thinkers. But if they work for you, keep working them, no matter how irrational or woo-woo others think you’re being.

Chances are, if you ask them how they keep their confidence bolstered, they have some weird little rituals of their own. Don’t laugh in their face, just smile confidently and coyly and say, “Isn’t that interesting?!”

  1. Stop procrastinating

Procrastination is one of the surest ways to kill confidence.

“No, I didn’t get that done.”  … That’s a sentence that never feels good to say.

The moment you look down on yourself over that uncompleted thing (e.g. broken promise) that’s been hanging over your head for the last week, month, or year, is the moment you shoot your confidence in the foot.

So, pick one thing on your procrastination list, complete it with confidence, and then celebrate your small win. Then, repeat.

  1. Smile with gratitude

Funny how one small act — a smile — can inspire such massive confidence, but it’s true. When you smile with gratitude it’s impossible to lack self-confidence. Go ahead, try it. Smile.

The same goes for gratitude. Think of something you’re truly grateful for and then try to feel down on your self. You can’t do it. Trust me, you can’t.

So, start each day with a smile and a gratitude phrase and you’ll kick that day off with a healthy jolt of confidence.

If you put these 10 steps into practice (yes, it will take practice), I guarantee you’ll have more confidence by next month.

In fact, you’ll probably start feeling noticeably more confident by the end of week, or even in the first few days. And when you do, then what’s possible? Practically anything!

This article originally published at YourTango.com 

5 Life Lessons I Learned From My Audio Book

I’ve spent the better part of the last week recording the audiobook of my soon to be released, first book, Frankly My Dear I’m Gay!

Yes, 16 chapters, 706 minutes, 11.87 hours of me reading my book, and that doesn’t include the total time of 83 hours to record – stop, starts, edits, retakes. Whew I’m exhausted and need a cocktail.

Ok, ok, ok. I know I’m not the first one to write a book, record their own book, etc. Yet, if you’ve not gone through this birthing process…well, it’s one hell of a lot of labor pains…good, bad, and ugly.

I thought I had it all good to go, ready to watch my book get launched, and then, I started recording the audio version, and boy did life lessons come up to bitch slap me in the face and say, “Wake up ego man and smell the coffee lessons you need to learn!” Here’s what I discovered about myself and life.

  • Missing periods, commas, quotes, and too many spaces are just a part of life…in books and your everyday existence. Get over it and know that you can do better next time.
  • We each have a reading voice and a speaking voice. They are similar but different. Be consistent with your voice and you’ll discover how much more aligned you are with your values and beliefs in your book and life.
  • Grammer faux pauxs (yes I purposefully misspelled grammar to make this point) are annoying, but if they are the show stoppers in your life or in the readers life, then “Go get a life!”
  • It’s all in the details, but the missing details often show you another way of getting to the really juicy stuff or seeing what you’re really meant to see. Thus the reason, “The Devil is in the details!”
  • Even if your book is not quite grammatically correct, has typos, is missing the occasional exclamation point, or needs some slight typesetting corrections, you still put out what you were meant to put out to have your message heard in the world. Anyone who gets hung up on all that other stuff, isn’t meant to hear your message, so don’t sweat it – again with books or by just being you in your message.

So, as you can see, giving birth, writing a book, editing it, recording the audio version, and seeing it hit the streets is a lot like being human and doing what you’re meant to be doing in this life, with all the grammar errors, missing periods, and the occasion, “Take twos!”

Now get out there and have fun birthing and living the book that is you and your life!

Why THIS Is The Real Secret To A Life Filled With Happiness

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Joy will never be yours until you understand this … AND act on it.

On the wall of my office hangs a tapestry with the following words from Jack Kornfield:

In the end what matters most is:How well did you live?How well did you love?How well did you learn to let go?

If I were to add to that list, I would ask this ONE additional question — How well did you let your true self shine for all to see?

If you say, “fully” … you’re lying. (And you can go sit in the corner!)

Yes, perhaps some of you shine brightly (full of “happiness“), but it’s simply because you “don’t care” about those trying to pollute your brilliance. If so, move onto the next article that strikes your fancy because your highly evolved self isn’t going to get anything out of this that you haven’t already heard. But for the rest of us humans, the truth is:

  • Rejection sucks!(But acceptance rocks.)
  • Often, people won’t get you, and that hurts.
  • It’s difficult being unique, so much harder than fitting in.
  • People think you’re weird — and who likes being weird?
  • Stepping out and shining might look cocky instead of confident.

If you can relate, perk those ears up because today’s challenge is to dive in — dive deep into that little sliver of yourself that’s completely filled with hidden treasures of uniqueness, which will be the game changers of your life.

How many times a day do you hear someone say, or find yourself saying, “I’m just getting by.” Or, even better yet, count how many times you hear the word “someday.”

We’re either getting by, or someday-ing, in hopes that we’ll suddenly have something of value to contribute to the world that will then lead us (easily, safely, and without discomfort or inconveninece of any kind) to peace, happiness, and stress-free living.

Hate to say it, but if you keep looking ahead that way, you’ll soon find yourself looking back saying, “Oh no, it’s too late. Why didn’t I…?” (You can fill in those little dot, dot, dots with whatever get’s you all riled up and regretful.)

But, there is a cure for getting-by and someday-ing being uniquely you without regret!

I know, that’s a long phrase to swallow. Would you like me to give you the pharmaceutical assigned name for it?  Here it is — “retunihoutyouquelywigreetts.” Or, would you prefer the layman’s brand name? I thought so. It’s called “Just Be You!”

*Gasps* How dare I suggest something so honest, vulnerable, and challenging. Yes, how dare I!

Because if you don’t venture toward truly being you, you’ll never discover your full potential and self-worth. I’m saying it’s time to rise up against the Comfy Couch Dwellers of Sameness and showcase your own unique gift to the world.

How do you attempt something that scary? How do you find happiness without the approval of others? By joining the rest of us (and there are more of us than you think, my friend) who are daring to be real and truly ourselves by following these five steps …

  • Stand tall, step out of your closets of numbness and come alive.
  • Break out of the pattern of “Yes Ma’am, Yes Sir, Yes Ma’am , Yes Sir,” and instead ask “Why?”
  • Stop hiding the toys of your brilliance for fear that some bully will take them from you.
  • Begin sharing your secrets and special talents that, up until now, were only share with our besties.
  • Be the change you want to see in this world and share your hidden talents without regard for what others may think.

Honestly, daring to celebrate your truest self is a journey in itself.

It’s an act of love that only you can give yourself when you share your talents, showcase your gems of uniqueness, and stand resolutely in the truth of THIS IS ME.

It’s time to stop keeping the true you hidden away behind a false facade of what people think you are. Instead, log in using the user name and password that only you know, to unlock the “About page” that has never before been seen by the human eye.

Move the fear of judgment, rejection, and an unfavorable ruling into the trash on the hard drive of your life and come alive being yourself — the you that existed before you reformatted what you were worth into a sound bite of others expectations.

This article originally published at YourTango.com 

Believe Me…Self-Doubt Is All BS!

050113_AnxiousI don’t believe in self-doubt.

Wait, that’s not true. I used to believe in self-doubt.
Then I went to a conference where they had some Kool-aid that I drank, and it washed all the self-doubt away.

Yep, it was that simple! Well not quite.

First, I didn’t go to some walk on hot coals, hold a rattlesnake in your hands, eat live mice, and stare into a crystal ball type experience, to rid myself of self-doubt. I found a much easier, yet more challenging way to kick the self-doubting to the curb on trash day.

I quit buying into others doubts about me and what I was and wasn’t capable of or supposed to be doing.

I closed the checkbook, credit cards, and second guessing accounts so that I could clearly see my own confidence was masked by the doubts of others I’d been buying into for years.

That’s it!

Of course every so often, others doubts try to take me for a ride, but now I just say, “Sorry I’m catching an Uber ride to self-confidence instead!”

Bye-bye self-doubts, hello beautiful self-confidence.

Hide and Seek…Shall we play or not?

Big_ThreatHide and Seek was one of my favorite games as a kid. Mostly because it was the one game I was damn good at.

Ironically, I’m still good at it, but in different ways, and I suspect some of you are good at it for similar reasons.

I’m good at…

  • Hiding what I’d really like to say for fear of being rejected
  • Hiding how I feel out of fear that the truth may be more than someone else can handle
  • Hiding feelings about what I truly desire in my life because someone else will think those feelings are silly
  • Hiding when i’m frustrated and hurt, and pretending that nothing is bothering me
  • Hiding my happiness because I don’t want others to think it’s all about me

When in reality, what I seek is…

  • To be heard, understood, and embraced
  • To be honest and truthful in a way that shows I really do care about others, even if it may be hard for them to handle
  • To be able to share my desires and not be ridiculed
  • To be vulnerable without fear
  • To share my happiness without feeling shame

So I’m wondering, are you still playing hide and seek?

If so, let’s both commit to stop hiding one thing this week and share one thing we seek to have more of in our lives.

If you’re afraid to fail then you’re afraid to succeed.

Success_FailureIt’s been a crazy busy week. I’ve been recording Coming Out Lounge Podcasts like a mad podcaster, writing articles, working on the launch of a new project, and in the midst of it all, I failed.

  • I failed to remember an appointment my daughter had
  • I failed to show my husband some extra love
  • I failed to get my cardio workout in one day
  • I failed to stick to my meal plan for a day
  • I failed to be grateful, numerous times

But dammit, I’m so glad I failed. In fact, I didn’t realize how glad I was I failed until in the middle of interviewing mega marketer and thought leader, Chris Brogan, that I was reminded that not being afraid to fail will lead you to outcomes you never thought possible. Let me say that again.

When stop being afraid to fail you’ll experience
outcomes you never thought possible!

That may be a really hard pill for us to swallow, but it’s actually very sound advice.

  • Fear of failure is absurdly striving for perfection.
  • Fear of failure is believing we have to live to please others.
  • Fear of failure is living by standards that may be detrimental to our well being.
  • Fear of failure is a way of inviting the “not good enough” voices to rule.
  • Fear of failure is not allowing for other potential outcomes to flourish.

Instead, how about embracing failure.

When you embrace failure…

  • You learn from it and grow
  • You find the more powerful answers to the question “What’s next?”
  • You discover how to be grateful for your other successes
  • You absorb pain with less stress each time you fail
  • You bounce back with renewed intentions

As I look at what I say I failed at this week, what I realize is that…I got to spend more time with my daughter, my husband still loves me even when I don’t give of my time, I’m more inspired to go extra time in my cardio workout to make up for what I missed, my meal plan doesn’t control me, I control it; and the next entry in my gratitude journal is going to read “I’m grateful that I failed!”

Come Out, Be You, Just Don’t Be An Ass About It!

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If you’re not gay, lesbian, transgender, bi-sexual, you’re still welcome to read this.

Just because the first words are “Come Out,” doesn’t mean you have to say, “Screw you, I’m out of here!”

In fact, that’s one of the biggest conflicts that arise when someone COMES OUT! One of two things often happens…

a) The recipient of the news can’t handle the truth of someone coming out and they say, “F#@$* You,” and leave the relationship

or

b) The person delivering the news, can’t handle the fact that the person they just told can’t accept them and they in turn, say, “F#@$* You,” and leave the relationship!

Either way, it’s a lose, lose scenario. Great relationships get shattered. So now let’s take it out of the context of COMING OUT about sexuality. Have you ever said “F#@$* You,” because someone comes out and…

  • Disagrees with your values
  • Can’t accept your religious beliefs
  • Chooses to leave a relationship that you think is perfect for them
  • Becomes a exercise and healthy living fanatic
  • Decides that they are not going to treat their terminal illness the way you would

This list could go on, and on, on. Everyone is COMING OUT of something and has the right to COME OUT of it in their own way that works for them. That being said, you also have the right to COME OUT and have your own opinion about what they are COMING OUT about.

Yet in the grand landscape of life, maybe their COMING OUT, is simply a message for you to learn to be more embracing, accepting, and non-judgmental. Of course it could also be the soap in the mouth to teach you to stop saying, “F#@$* You.”

So what if the next time someone COMES OUT to you and you just said, even silently in your own mind, “Today I choose to listen, and not react!” Maybe that would make for a really, really, good weekend.

If you’re juggling, keep it up, until your ready to land!

Juggle

I was working with a client this week who was feeling unfocused, out of control, and as if everything was up in the air. After he shared the various aspects of his life that were making him feel like a master juggler, I shared with him one of my Rickism’s that I live by:

 

If we don’t get things up in the air then nothing can land!
Some of you may be scratching your head going, “WHAT?” So let’s dissect this thought.
  1. Every good idea, desire, or goal needs a solid place to land in order for it to take root and grow.
  2. In order for it to land, some aspect of the idea, desire, or goal must be up in the air, out in the ether’s of possibility, before it can become a reality.
  3. Without letting our thoughts about our ideas, desires, and goals float out there in possibility land, they then simply remain thoughts that never get implemented into actions.
  4. Without taking any actions to dissect the possibilities, nothing gets done and you simply continue to juggle your ideas, desires, and goals, and nothing ever lands.
You my friend are the master juggler of your life. As you juggle, and put things into the air and realm of possibility, don’t be afraid to let things land. There’s only one of two things that will happen when they land.
  1. The thought, idea, goal lands in a manner that lights you up and you move forward with excitement and wonder into your new adventure.
  2. The thought, idea, goal lands in a manner that doesn’t set well and you release it…if you can release it.
The problem most of us encounter, is our inability to release it if the thought, idea, goal doesn’t set well. So then what do you do? How can you learn to release something that you believe is in your best interest? Great question and here’s my suggestion…ask yourself if it truly is in your best interest.

It means that you literally explore the following question:

Is it in my best interest to keep juggling this thought, idea, goal
in my life, or is it in my best interest to finally let it go and to move on?
To obtain the answer, you only need to listen and listen deeply. Only then will the juggling pay off so that the answer can land!

If you haven’t failed today…you might want to try again!

Failure

Failure. It makes us feel shameful, like a loser, and downright crappy! Well get over it and take another look.

At the end of each day, I would invite you to ask yourself, “What did I fail at?” Often, we can easily come up with a list of failures that are just superfluous failures. You know the kind that aren’t really a matter of life or death.

Then there are the monstrous failures like forgetting a “0” or adding an extra “0” that cause revenues to sky rocket or plummet.

And, then there are the days with no failures. The days that everything is good, the sun is shining, sliver linings are everywhere, yet, you still feel like nothing special has happened. Maybe it’s because you didn’t fail.

  • You avoided standing up for something you believe in
  • You neglected giving an opinion for fear of being shot down
  • You let someone else have the upper hand and take the credit for your idea
  • You said “Yes,” when you really wanted to say, “No”
  • You set your dream aside with a sigh and a promise to do it “someday”

Ironically, any of those scenarios might have caused you to fail. Even more ironic is the truth that any one of those scenarios might have also caused you to succeed, feel happier, come more alive, and step into your brilliance.

So now, I ask you, “Would you rather fail, or continue to sit in the darkness of wondering, what if?”

Rather than…

  • Letting “What if…” hold you hostage
  • Hiding your brilliance in the potential shadows of rejection
  • Succumbing to the easy road of “Yes”

Maybe you’d like to take the chance and just for today, fail. Fail just a little bit or a lot, so that you can grow into the essence of you that you’ve always been. Maybe, just maybe, you might take that risk and let a little failure guide you to your next great learning adventure so that you can thrive!

Blog Art Courtesy of gapingvoid!

Play is not something to be played with…it is meant to be cut loose and enjoyed!

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I just spent the better part of a week, coming off of a play date and maintaining the play date high…AND I LIKE IT! LIKE IT ALOT!

My playground was just at the base of Mt. Hood in Oregon.
Weather was overcast and rainy, but no dampening of the spirits occurred.
Water cascaded breathlessly over rocks in the Shady Pine river.
My playground was a cabin.
My playmates were but just two…two brilliant kids disguised as adults.

Our goal wasn’t to build a rocket ship, or to sit mindlessly enthralled in TV or video games. Oh no, we were kids at play trying to figure out something bigger than all of us.

We explored. Laughed. Cried.
And, of course we ate and slept. Very little sleep but we did make it happen.

Our intention was to create a product.
Craft a podcast show.
Find the just right messages to entice people into the playground of Rick.
There was only one problem…little Rickey wasn’t playing.
He was pretending to play and failing.
Not surprising, given that he was the master of “never let them see you.”

Chip. Chip. Chip away they did.
Leaving fragments of the facade on the playground.
Nakedness, revealing different-ness, that would become the glue to hold the one-ness of Rickey together.

My dream taunted me to come to the playground.
I came, but did not come fully, until I realized, to step over the cliff into pleasure, fun, smiles wouldn’t hurt me.

That’s when I jumped.

Jumped fully into the reality that my one-ness, my different-ness could never become the message of SAME-NESS BE DAMNED until I released.

Released myself to fully play in the playground that is…

my LIFE
my CALLING
my HOLY GRAIL for traveling on this earth!

Now I’m more lit up than ever before.
Now I’m smiling, an act that so many have begged me to do for so long.
Now I’m at one-ness, practicing my different-ness, loving my unique-ness.

So I wonder???

Are you playing?
Playing on the playground of your life?
Playing in the DIFFERENT-NESS that makes you, you?
Playing just for the sake of playing in life?
Playing so that you can say…SAMENESS BE DAMNED!

If not, why not?