The 5 Worst Fears About Coming Out As LGBT Later In Life

n-GAY-MEN-large570Coming out is tough. Doesn’t matter what age you are, it’s not an easy journey. Now add to it having lived, 30, 40 50, 60+ years. Living a lie. Being someone you’re not. Finally the pain, keeping stories straight, and unhappiness have finally gotten to you. It’s now time to live your truth.

There’s a myriad of fears, joys, questions, and of course exciting things that will unravel as you step into being your most authentic self, but let’s talk about 5 of the most common fears that you will face as you kick open that closet door.

Late bloomers…here’s your must read article for the week!

Image Courtesy of Jose Luis Pelaez Inc via Getty Images

It takes a hero to…speak your mind!

dreamstime_7122602I’m in sunny Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Of course, I’m not here just kicking back, enjoying the sun and the fun. However I will say, the sights, thus far, may cause me to break out of conference mode and play some hooky!

Truth is, I’m here to say what’s on my mind. I’ve actually paid a sizeable amount money to speak my mind. Odd, right? Paying money to speak my mind. Heck I could have stood naked in front of my bathroom mirror at home and not paid a dime to speak my mind. But I want to become Heroic. I want to move people into action (not because they saw me naked and ran). I want to make a difference in this world, as only I can, using my voice…speaking my mind…sharing my truth…helping others just be themselves.

I no longer want to sit idly by and not have a voice.
I can’t allow my thoughts to just be my thoughts.
I refuse to believe, I’m not good enough to offer an opinion.
I will not stand in silence, out of fear.
I must use my voice, if only to cause one other person to use theirs.

You don’t have to become a Heroic Public Speaker as I’m attempting, and will do. You don’t have to have a heart pounding repertoire of prose to share. You don’t even have to practice enunciating clearly.

All you have to do is…


Take your gifted, talented voice and set it free to be heard, instead of hiding it away where only you and your internal minions can hear it. Someone out there is waiting to hear your voice, your thoughts, your perspectives, your insights, your truth.

Your voice is part of your truth, your purpose, your passion.
Use it so that the world will know your brilliance.

Is it about religion or something else?

IMG_0605One of the most hotly debated issues when it comes to sexual orientation is sexuality vs. religion. I’ve yet to work with a client on their coming out process that doesn’t touch some realm of the religious turmoil that they endure as they have come to terms with themselves in their sexuality.

I’m always amazed by the contradictions that arise when we dive into the pool of homosexuality being a sin. Of course, I’ve done my fair share of getting angry, spewing hypocrisy at the hypocrites, and getting down right ugly when I can’t seem to get through to the closed minded. Yet, at the end of the day, every person on the planet has their right to freedom, equality, justice, and liberty. And that’s why I believe, it’s time to call a spade a spade, and a religious move a religious move for all the wrong reasons.  See what you think.

Why I’ll NEVER let Religion Tell Me Being Gay is Wrong!

It’s Time For The Damn Best Hook-Up You’ve Ever Had!

heartofitGo ahead! Let’s get naughty and hook-up this Valentines Weekend!

Fact! Most of you that read this are gay men.
Fact! The rest of you that read it can learn something from it too.
Fact! Everyone of us, in some way, hooks-up.
Fact! Tomorrow is Valentines Day!

Question: Who do you want to hook-up with tomorrow?

Whether you’re single, married, dating, engaged, or just don’t give a damn about V-Day, truth is, you can still hook-up tomorrow for some great romance, and mind blowing orgasms…if you so choose to take the challenge I’m laying before you!

It’s the type of romance and orgasms that can, and will sweep you off your feet, provided you HOOK-UP. It’s not something you have to jump on an app, or quadruple check a dating site to see if there’s a slim chance that Cupid will hook you up before you realize – LOVE CAN SUCK!

For the most part, the hook-up that keeps on putting out is one that doesn’t ask for much. Quietly it sits, waiting for your attention. It’s not anxiously waiting for a text or phone call from you. In fact, it doesn’t even have naked selfies that it’s going to share with you to get your attention.

This hook-up is a logical wise one. It comes from a place of experience, truth, honesty, and real desire. Sometimes it’s animal in it’s approach, and other times it’s the quiet little demure observer. Ironically, there are even times that this hook-up will tease and taunt you, but not to purposefully torture you. It does it from a space of love – thus the reason it’s perfect to talk about this little hook-up so close to V-Day! Which brings us back to the question at hand…

Who do you want to hook-up with tomorrow? Today? For the rest of your life?

How about, for starters, hooking-up with yourself! The source of you. Your soul. The big Diva within that is your intuition – because that bitch never steers you wrong and you know it! Yes, how about this Valentines Day you hook-up, get naked, slather yourself in some I’m good enough love, and know that whatever your expecting from those outside of your self to show you’re loved, isn’t going to show up the way you desire it too, until you HOOK-UP WITH YOU!

Go ahead. HAVE A HAPPY, HOOK-UP, VALENTINES DAY with the essence of you…the you, you sometimes forget to hook-up with when you need to most.

Checklists, To Do Lists, and Getting Things Done Are For The Birds!

I’m rebelling. Not to uncommon for me. Just ask my parents. They still see me as a rebel because I’m gay, married to a man, not attending their church of choice, etc. It’s ok.

Being heterosexual, married to a woman, attending their church are all on their checklists, to do lists, and ways of getting things done for themselves. Amen, and hallelujah. If that works for them than more power to you Mom and Dad. Be true to yourselves because God knows I am.

I’m being true to myself by rebelling. Daily I’m looking at my To Do Lists and asking the question, “Who am I doing this for? Why am i doing it? and How does it serve me?” Here’s the answers I’ve gotten…

  1. If it’s purely for pleasing someone else, it’s coming off the list
  2. If it’s to feed my ego, it’s outta here
  3. If it’s going against my values, it’s gotta go sooner rather than later
  4. If it’s being done to avoid what I should be doing, it needs to stop
  5. If it’s on the list just to have a list, it’s time to get more productive

Don’t get me wrong, checklists, to do lists, getting things done serve a purpose. The question that we each need to answer for ourselves is “What is that purpose?”

In other words, when you check things off your checklists, when you create your to do lists, and when you get things done, do it with purpose…it will make a whole lot more sense for you and your happiness quotient!

For me, my happiness quotient means I’m at peace, doing what I love, hopefully making the planet a better place to live.

You’ve got this…You just don’t realize it!


I may shoot myself in the foot with this post. I don’t care.

The truth is, every time I’m in a session with a client…
Every time I’m in a conversation with a person…
I become the student and the teacher…and so do you!
Here’s what I learned and am not teaching, this week.

I was working with a client a couple of days ago, and out of my mouth came the following words. “Don’t say I think, say, I know!” What followed is the lesson that shocked me.

I then said, “Words like think, maybe, should, could, are signals that we already have our answers to life’s most elusive questions, sitting right in front of us.”

I’m not saying that I’m Einstein or some Nobel Prize winning genius, but I think, no scratch that, I know, what I stumbled upon in that session was absolutely brilliant.

“I think…”
“Maybe I…”
“I should…”
“I could…”

Whatever follows those phrases is probably, nope, is the right answer for whatever you’re seeking in that moment…knowing that, in that moment are the operative words! The words are signaling, raising the yellow flag of caution, that something big is right there in front of you., for you to pay attention to.

The next time you use the words think, maybe, should, could, possibly, might, etc., take a close look at the words that follow think, maybe, should, could, possible, might. There IS wisdom in them there words.

And with that, I think, I maybe, should go to sleep, because that might mean I could get a good nights sleep, that might make it possible for me to be refreshed for my speaking gigs tomorrow at Long Beach State University, where I may have a positive impact on some young minds!

In other words…

I’m going to bed so that I can get a good nights sleep, so that I am refreshed and ready to speak from the heart at Long Beach State University tomorrow where I will have a positive impact on young minds.

Watch your words. They have your answers!

One thing you need to be successful… Just Be You!

JBURev_Logo2I’ve committed to four things professionally this year…

  • Publishing my book(s)
  • Increasing my blogging reach
  • Launching two podcasts
  • Getting on more, and bigger stages, as a motivational speaker

Truth is, I’m scared. Yes, I know I can do any, and all of these things. But even if I took them on, one-by-one, I’d still be scared. Scared that I’d fail and that someone would tell me, “See Rick, you weren’t enough!”

But here’s what’s different this year. I’ve decided to be eat my own dog food, do the stuff I’d nudge my clients to do, and Just Be Me.

  • I’m going to be courageous…stop living someone else’s dream
  • I’m going to be curious…start asking why and what if
  • I’m going to be confident…knowing that I’m enough
  • I’m going to be committed…to just being myself

As I’m creating a new project – the Just Be You Revolution – I’m also committing to being more successful so that I can experience greater freedom, happiness, joy, and peace of mind in my life.

From my perspective, success comes from being courageous, curious, confident, and committed. When you can do those four things, even a little of each, you have arrived at success!

Now it’s time for you to Just Be You!

Maybe You Can Be A Gay Husband In Heterosexual Relationship



Honestly, being gay and staying in my heterosexual relationship with my wife of 13 years, wasn’t an option for me. It just would have never worked. I knew that as much as I loved her, I could no longer hide my truth and live the life I wanted…being a gay man, in a gay relationship, with another man. That’s my story, not necessarily yours.

Today, mixed orientation marriages, are on the rise. Homosexual husbands, choosing to stay in their heterosexual relationships, and their wives saying, “Make it work!” Doesn’t work for everyone but, hey, who are we to judge. And that’s why Having A Gay Husband Is Actually A Good Thing!

No, You Won’t Suck At Sex After You Come Out!


Coming out. It’s scary, exciting, confusing, and will cause you to doubt yourself over, and over, and over again.  GET OVER IT ALREADY!

You’re going to suck at some aspects in the coming out journey, and not at others. But then, once you get the training wheels on, practice riding your gay bike, you’ll suddenly be ready to ditch the training wheels ride your gay bike in heels while waving a rainbow flag, and balance a couple of hunks in places that bring you great joy, all at one time.

It’s time to get over your fears that you just might suck at gay sex! Here’s how…go ahead, click here and to Will I Be A Bad Gay Lover?

Why Gay Men Suck At Finding Happiness!


Ok. I admit. That title kind of lopped all of us gay men into one seething pot of pity and worthlessness. We don’t all suck, nor do we all suck at finding happiness…at least not on a regular basis. However, being the drama queens that we can be (yes, all of us can be drama queens in our own right), we often find ourselves stuck in the pattern of I can’t find happiness!

You can, you will, if you figure out what’s keeping you from finding happiness.  Here’s some insights to help you out!