If you’re afraid to fail then you’re afraid to succeed.

Success_FailureIt’s been a crazy busy week. I’ve been recording Coming Out Lounge Podcasts like a mad podcaster, writing articles, working on the launch of a new project, and in the midst of it all, I failed.

  • I failed to remember an appointment my daughter had
  • I failed to show my husband some extra love
  • I failed to get my cardio workout in one day
  • I failed to stick to my meal plan for a day
  • I failed to be grateful, numerous times

But dammit, I’m so glad I failed. In fact, I didn’t realize how glad I was I failed until in the middle of interviewing mega marketer and thought leader, Chris Brogan, that I was reminded that not being afraid to fail will lead you to outcomes you never thought possible. Let me say that again.

When stop being afraid to fail you’ll experience
outcomes you never thought possible!

That may be a really hard pill for us to swallow, but it’s actually very sound advice.

  • Fear of failure is absurdly striving for perfection.
  • Fear of failure is believing we have to live to please others.
  • Fear of failure is living by standards that may be detrimental to our well being.
  • Fear of failure is a way of inviting the “not good enough” voices to rule.
  • Fear of failure is not allowing for other potential outcomes to flourish.

Instead, how about embracing failure.

When you embrace failure…

  • You learn from it and grow
  • You find the more powerful answers to the question “What’s next?”
  • You discover how to be grateful for your other successes
  • You absorb pain with less stress each time you fail
  • You bounce back with renewed intentions

As I look at what I say I failed at this week, what I realize is that…I got to spend more time with my daughter, my husband still loves me even when I don’t give of my time, I’m more inspired to go extra time in my cardio workout to make up for what I missed, my meal plan doesn’t control me, I control it; and the next entry in my gratitude journal is going to read “I’m grateful that I failed!”

Come Out, Be You, Just Don’t Be An Ass About It!

The Ass's Ass

If you’re not gay, lesbian, transgender, bi-sexual, you’re still welcome to read this.

Just because the first words are “Come Out,” doesn’t mean you have to say, “Screw you, I’m out of here!”

In fact, that’s one of the biggest conflicts that arise when someone COMES OUT! One of two things often happens…

a) The recipient of the news can’t handle the truth of someone coming out and they say, “F#@$* You,” and leave the relationship

or

b) The person delivering the news, can’t handle the fact that the person they just told can’t accept them and they in turn, say, “F#@$* You,” and leave the relationship!

Either way, it’s a lose, lose scenario. Great relationships get shattered. So now let’s take it out of the context of COMING OUT about sexuality. Have you ever said “F#@$* You,” because someone comes out and…

  • Disagrees with your values
  • Can’t accept your religious beliefs
  • Chooses to leave a relationship that you think is perfect for them
  • Becomes a exercise and healthy living fanatic
  • Decides that they are not going to treat their terminal illness the way you would

This list could go on, and on, on. Everyone is COMING OUT of something and has the right to COME OUT of it in their own way that works for them. That being said, you also have the right to COME OUT and have your own opinion about what they are COMING OUT about.

Yet in the grand landscape of life, maybe their COMING OUT, is simply a message for you to learn to be more embracing, accepting, and non-judgmental. Of course it could also be the soap in the mouth to teach you to stop saying, “F#@$* You.”

So what if the next time someone COMES OUT to you and you just said, even silently in your own mind, “Today I choose to listen, and not react!” Maybe that would make for a really, really, good weekend.

If you’re juggling, keep it up, until your ready to land!

Juggle

I was working with a client this week who was feeling unfocused, out of control, and as if everything was up in the air. After he shared the various aspects of his life that were making him feel like a master juggler, I shared with him one of my Rickism’s that I live by:

 

If we don’t get things up in the air then nothing can land!
Some of you may be scratching your head going, “WHAT?” So let’s dissect this thought.
  1. Every good idea, desire, or goal needs a solid place to land in order for it to take root and grow.
  2. In order for it to land, some aspect of the idea, desire, or goal must be up in the air, out in the ether’s of possibility, before it can become a reality.
  3. Without letting our thoughts about our ideas, desires, and goals float out there in possibility land, they then simply remain thoughts that never get implemented into actions.
  4. Without taking any actions to dissect the possibilities, nothing gets done and you simply continue to juggle your ideas, desires, and goals, and nothing ever lands.
You my friend are the master juggler of your life. As you juggle, and put things into the air and realm of possibility, don’t be afraid to let things land. There’s only one of two things that will happen when they land.
  1. The thought, idea, goal lands in a manner that lights you up and you move forward with excitement and wonder into your new adventure.
  2. The thought, idea, goal lands in a manner that doesn’t set well and you release it…if you can release it.
The problem most of us encounter, is our inability to release it if the thought, idea, goal doesn’t set well. So then what do you do? How can you learn to release something that you believe is in your best interest? Great question and here’s my suggestion…ask yourself if it truly is in your best interest.

It means that you literally explore the following question:

Is it in my best interest to keep juggling this thought, idea, goal
in my life, or is it in my best interest to finally let it go and to move on?
To obtain the answer, you only need to listen and listen deeply. Only then will the juggling pay off so that the answer can land!

If you haven’t failed today…you might want to try again!

Failure

Failure. It makes us feel shameful, like a loser, and downright crappy! Well get over it and take another look.

At the end of each day, I would invite you to ask yourself, “What did I fail at?” Often, we can easily come up with a list of failures that are just superfluous failures. You know the kind that aren’t really a matter of life or death.

Then there are the monstrous failures like forgetting a “0” or adding an extra “0” that cause revenues to sky rocket or plummet.

And, then there are the days with no failures. The days that everything is good, the sun is shining, sliver linings are everywhere, yet, you still feel like nothing special has happened. Maybe it’s because you didn’t fail.

  • You avoided standing up for something you believe in
  • You neglected giving an opinion for fear of being shot down
  • You let someone else have the upper hand and take the credit for your idea
  • You said “Yes,” when you really wanted to say, “No”
  • You set your dream aside with a sigh and a promise to do it “someday”

Ironically, any of those scenarios might have caused you to fail. Even more ironic is the truth that any one of those scenarios might have also caused you to succeed, feel happier, come more alive, and step into your brilliance.

So now, I ask you, “Would you rather fail, or continue to sit in the darkness of wondering, what if?”

Rather than…

  • Letting “What if…” hold you hostage
  • Hiding your brilliance in the potential shadows of rejection
  • Succumbing to the easy road of “Yes”

Maybe you’d like to take the chance and just for today, fail. Fail just a little bit or a lot, so that you can grow into the essence of you that you’ve always been. Maybe, just maybe, you might take that risk and let a little failure guide you to your next great learning adventure so that you can thrive!

Blog Art Courtesy of gapingvoid!

Play is not something to be played with…it is meant to be cut loose and enjoyed!

stuck
I just spent the better part of a week, coming off of a play date and maintaining the play date high…AND I LIKE IT! LIKE IT ALOT!

My playground was just at the base of Mt. Hood in Oregon.
Weather was overcast and rainy, but no dampening of the spirits occurred.
Water cascaded breathlessly over rocks in the Shady Pine river.
My playground was a cabin.
My playmates were but just two…two brilliant kids disguised as adults.

Our goal wasn’t to build a rocket ship, or to sit mindlessly enthralled in TV or video games. Oh no, we were kids at play trying to figure out something bigger than all of us.

We explored. Laughed. Cried.
And, of course we ate and slept. Very little sleep but we did make it happen.

Our intention was to create a product.
Craft a podcast show.
Find the just right messages to entice people into the playground of Rick.
There was only one problem…little Rickey wasn’t playing.
He was pretending to play and failing.
Not surprising, given that he was the master of “never let them see you.”

Chip. Chip. Chip away they did.
Leaving fragments of the facade on the playground.
Nakedness, revealing different-ness, that would become the glue to hold the one-ness of Rickey together.

My dream taunted me to come to the playground.
I came, but did not come fully, until I realized, to step over the cliff into pleasure, fun, smiles wouldn’t hurt me.

That’s when I jumped.

Jumped fully into the reality that my one-ness, my different-ness could never become the message of SAME-NESS BE DAMNED until I released.

Released myself to fully play in the playground that is…

my LIFE
my CALLING
my HOLY GRAIL for traveling on this earth!

Now I’m more lit up than ever before.
Now I’m smiling, an act that so many have begged me to do for so long.
Now I’m at one-ness, practicing my different-ness, loving my unique-ness.

So I wonder???

Are you playing?
Playing on the playground of your life?
Playing in the DIFFERENT-NESS that makes you, you?
Playing just for the sake of playing in life?
Playing so that you can say…SAMENESS BE DAMNED!

If not, why not?

Are you hung over in the doldrums of life? Dread getting out of bed?

In_Bed
Everyone complains about Monday’s. Ok, that’s a generalization.

Those that don’t work traditional work weeks probably complain about Tuesday’s Wednesday’s, Thursday’s, Friday’s, Saturday’s, and Sundays! Whatever day of the week that their week begins.

So how do we overcome the “Dammit it’s (fill in your dreaded day of the week)” mentality? Simple! But, before I share the secret sauce, the magic elixir, the idea that could make me millions (just joking), let’s talk about why we dread.

Dread is because we’re not in joy, happiness, love, like, thrill, adventure, etc. Another way of looking at it is we’re not in alignment with our values and beliefs. So how did we go from dreading waking up on a Monday morning – or whatever day of the week you dread – to values and beliefs? Very simple…it’s all one big cocktail of life that needs stirred not shaken to properly make us happier.

When we stir out the words of life that make us feel less than, obligated, overwhelmed, or small, suddenly, even a morning wake-up call back to reality will be easier to swallow.

So, remember two paragraphs back when I said I’d show you how to overcome the “Dammit it’s (fill in your dreaded day of the week)” mentality? Remember how I said it was SIMPLE? Ok, here’s what you’ve been waiting for…switch the should, could, would, need, have to do’s for the day to…wait for it…be patient…wait for it…switch it to…

Today I get to do…

I know, I’m brilliant. Don’t you feel better? Ok, enough of me stroking my own ego, but, seriously! Try it out for yourself, right now.

Say, “Today I have to (fill in the blank).”

How do you feel? Dread, defeated, not to excited? Now, try on the new way.

Say, “Today I get to (fill in the blank).”

There should be a slight shift, or maybe a ginormous shift in how you feel, just by changing the word “have” to the word “get.”

Yes I’m word smithing your life, but hey, I’m a Life Coach and that’s part of what I’ve been put on this earth to do. I GET to, not HAVE to, help people re-word smith their lives for greater joy.

So go on. Pick three things you get to do today and enjoy them. And, in between those things, slide in the “have to do’s” and see how much more easily your day goes by.

You’ve got 168 of them…so quit wasting them!

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One of my pet peeves is when I hear someone say, “I’m just too busy!”
It really annoys me when I hear myself say those words, because then I become a hypocrite!

God I hate hypocrisy, almost as much as I hate wasting time.

But, it wasn’t until I heard a recent podcast with Laura Vanderkam, author of 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, that I realized I was filling my mind up with poop about how much time I didn’t have.

Through her work, Laura explored peoples time diaries, looking at over 1001 days and came up with some frickin’ amazing information about our time that we think we don’t have!

  • We’re getting more sleep than we think
  • We’re not working near as much as we’d like to complain about
  • We’ve got way more time than we’re making good use of

This got me thinking and I started tracking my time, and here’s what I discovered…

  • I have 168 hours available to me each week just like you do
  • I sleep an average of 8 hours a night which leaves me with 112 hours for the rest of my life
  • I work an average of 60 hours a week (low for a self-employed guy). That leaves me 52 hours a week
  • I work out about 8 hours a week. That leaves me 44 hours a week
  • I eat an average of 1.5 hours a day, which leaves me with 33.5 hours in the week
  • Showering, tidying up the house, getting kids to school takes up another 10 hours a week which leaves me with just under 24 hours a week

That’s 24 hours a week to do things I love like reading, being creative, dreaming, traveling, exploring, and of course,drinking wine, having SEX, and connecting with people.

But yet, I like many of you, claim to not have enough time. So I wonder…how much time do you have when you break it down?

  • Do you have enough time to come out and be authentically you?
  • Do you have a few moments a day to laugh at yourself?
  • How much time would it really take to put a little extra effort into your dating or love life?
  • What would it feel like to just take 1 – 2 hours a week to be a kid again?
  • Why aren’t you taking some of your time to JUST BE YOU?

I believe, after taking 60 minutes to listen to the podcast with Laura, while I was exercising, that we all have the capacity to make time for whatever we want in our lives. The real question is, how badly do you want to make time for what you want in your life?

Today you get to…

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Are you hung over in the doldrums of life?
Dreading getting out of bed?

Everyone complains about Monday’s. Ok, that’s a generalization.

Those that don’t work traditional work weeks probably complain about Tuesday’s Wednesday’s, Thursday’s, Friday’s, Saturday’s, and Sundays! Whatever day of the week that their week begins.

So how do we overcome the “Dammit it’s (fill in your dreaded day of the week)” mentality? Simple! But, before I share the secret sauce, the magic elixir, the idea that could make me millions (just joking), let’s talk about why we dread.

Dread is because we’re not in joy, happiness, love, like, thrill, adventure, etc. Another way of looking at it is we’re not in alignment with our values and beliefs. So how did we go from dreading waking up on a Monday morning – or whatever day of the week you dread – to values and beliefs? Very simple…it’s all one big cocktail of life that needs stirred not shaken to properly make us happier.

When we stir out the words of life that make us feel less than, obligated, overwhelmed, or small, suddenly, even a morning wake-up call back to reality will be easier to swallow.

So, remember two paragraphs back when I said I’d show you how to overcome the “Dammit it’s (fill in your dreaded day of the week)” mentality? Remember how I said it was SIMPLE? Ok, here’s what you’ve been waiting for…switch the should, could, would, need, have to do’s for the day to…wait for it…be patient…wait for it…switch it to…

Today I get to do…

I know, I’m brilliant. Don’t you feel better? Ok, enough of me stroking my own ego, but, seriously! Try it out for yourself, right now.

Say, “Today I have to (fill in the blank).”

How do you feel? Dread, defeated, not to excited? Now, try on the new way.

Say, “Today I get to (fill in the blank).”

There should be a slight shift, or maybe a ginormous shift in how you feel, just by changing the word “have” to the word “get.”

Yes I’m word smithing your life, but hey, I’m a Life Coach and that’s part of what I’ve been put on this earth to do. I GET to, not HAVE to, help people re-word smith their lives for greater joy.

So go on. Pick three things you get to do today and enjoy them. And, in between those things, slide in the “have to do’s” and see how much more easily your day goes by.

Habits and Behaviors They Go Hand In Hand!

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I was on my morning walk, 3 miles, a habit I’ve created, when I decided to shake things up a little.

You see, I was starting to behave badly about these morning walks. I was getting lazy, not keeping my heart rate up, getting bored, listening to the same old play list, and I was starting to see my good habit, no longer being a behavior I enjoyed. I knew I had to do something or I was going to become miserable and start putting back on weight, and not feeling relaxed..both of which are totally unacceptable.

So what did I do? I replace my playlist with one of my favorite podcasts, The Good Life Project, with my friend Jonathan Fields and listened to his interview with Gretchen Rubin author of The Happiness Project and her latest book Better Than Before. Boy was I surprised by the divine intervention that came my way. First, I’d been trying to find time to listen to more of my favorite podcasts…check ,got that done; and I was also looking for inspiration to be more excited about my walks…check, got that done.

The conversation Jonathan and Gretchen were having about habits and behaviors, led me, in the midst of my walk to realize that I needed to marry those tow concepts together in order to stay on my intentions to walk on a daily basis for my health and emotional wellness. In fact, as i listened, I began to think…”I’m an Upholder…someone who meets outer expectations, and inner expectations pretty equally. To understand what an Upholder is, you’re going to have to go take Gretchen’s Four Tendencies Quiz yourself and see how you fair.

Here’s what I know after listening to the podcast, taking the quiz, and also what I’m discovering as I’ve started reading Better Than Before

  • I’m better at accomplishing things when someone expects something from me, including myself
  • I’m pretty good at starting things. Where I falter is not letting the behavior support the habit or not allowing the behavior to change the habit
  • The only thing standing between me, success, setting and achieving goals is being held accountable – either by others or myself

I learned all this because I was getting bored, doing my daily walk and decided to change things up a little bit.

  • What habit would you like start?
  • What behavior do you need to modify, or change to be more successful?
  • How can you use your current habits to be more successful or to break bad habits that are holding you back?
  • Which behaviors might you wish to turn into a habit or change so that they don’t be come a habit

Have fun exploring and don’t forget to go check out Gretchen and Jonathan…you won’t be disappointed.

Why are you settling?

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I’ve been working with a lot of clients lately, and it seems the overriding theme is…

Better Than Nothing!

In some cases, that statement can be true.
  • Having a little bit of food to get by with is better than nothing
  • Being able to sleep in your car is better than being homeless on the street
  • A little more room on the credit card to make ends meet is better than no room at all
These are more extreme examples of Better Than Nothing Necessity examples.

Then there’s the Better Than Nothing stuff that we settle for in life.

  • He’s better than having no boyfriend at all.
  • At least this job pays the bills
  • One day off is better than no days off
All of these things on the surface, in the moment, may be true, but the question is, Are you selling yourself, your dreams, your desires short, by saying ‘better than nothing’?

If the relationship isn’t’ working and it’s a safety blanket to protect you from being alone, start learning to be alone.

If the job sucks and it’s draining the life out of you, take the chance and stop buying into your own beliefs that it’s better than nothing and start to take control of your destiny.

If one day off is becoming a consistent pattern, and you’re not able to recuperate and feel whole, than maybe it’s time to get smart about talking to whomever you need to about getting this pattern changed.

When we settle for Better Than Nothing mentality, we’re sending a signal to our selves that we’re not worthy. Even if the circumstances are out of our control (so we think), we always have some control to make things different.

So as you venture out for your weekend activities, consider not doing stuff, or being around people, that lead you into a Better Than Nothing state of mind.