Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

5 Blunt Reasons You’re Not #Winning At Life (The Problem Is YOU!)

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It’s time to unscramble that brain of yours. Happiness is waiting!

#Winning at life!! Is that you? If not, put the blame for failure where it really belongs — with you — and then see what happens.

I confess. I, myself, have been failing.

Failing to, truly, be productive.

Failing to, wholly, be in my relationship.

Failing to, unconditionally, be the captain of my own ship.

It’s become so much easier to blame outside circumstances and others for everything, from the lack of money to lack of time — they’re all the reasons life isn’t completely peachy keen. My life! The one that I’m in charge of living

Does this sound familiar?

Ever find yourself backed against the wall of failure? Stuck in the mud of “some day”, seeking happiness (but not creating it), and wishing that something (anything) could whisk you away?

Well, you’re not alone!

As author, Haruki Murakami says,”Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” Personally, I’ve decided to take her up on that sound advice — it’s time to accept that the pain of failure is inevitable, but the suffering I inflict upon myself, surrounding failure, is ridiculous and over-rated.

Here are 5 hard-to-hear (but straight up honest) reasons your mindset is the cause of your failures; plus, the truths you must embrace about failure if you ever want to reach that proverbial pot ‘o gold at the end of the “success” rainbow.

  1. You’re living for others, instead of yourself! Contrary to popular belief, doing for yourself is not entirely selfish … it’s healthy. When we give of ourselves, to ourselves, it becomes much easier to give freely to others.

It simply takes a shift in perspective to say,”I’m giving freely to myself in a healthy, non-egotistical manner, so that I don’t resent giving to everyone else first without having a sliver of self left for little old me!”

  1. Your definition of “failure” and “success” are EPICALLY misguided. We’ve all heard the phrase,”blind leading the blind!” Truth is, you’re probably leading yourself down hazy, obscure, and unrealistically defined paths of failure and success.

Are your definitions of failure and success fully aligned with your values, beliefs, and the truest essence of who you are? If not, you might want to put those two words back under the microscope and redefine them aligned, more closely, with YOUR values (no one else’s).

  1. You haven’t started with “why?” I’m not trying to steal Simon Sinek’sthunder, but the man knows what he’s talking about when he says,”Start with ‘why!'” If you don’t know WHY failure and success weigh heavily on your psyche, heart, and soul then your simply allowing un-tethered feelings to run amuck. You have to un-muddle the muddled, and sift through the mud to get to the “real deal” answers as to why success and failure drive you to do what you do … in life, love, and every other aspect of life, including business and career.
  2. Your inner-“drama queen” is ALWAYS in the house! Yes, we all have one (so don’t lie)! Our inner-“drama queen” is that alter ego that likes to make mountains out of molehills. You know, the ones that stamp their heels on the floor incessantly, eyes tightly shut, crying,”I’ve failed, I’ve failed, I’ve failed” — all the while stopping between beats to peak out of the eye slits, to see if anyone is paying any attention to you.

If it requires drama for you to announce you’ve failed, then the likelihood that you failed in a big way is probably more made up than real. Here’s the “drama queen” test: If you’ve failed and you don’t have knots in your stomach, find yourself afraid to look people in the eyes, your heart isn’t racing, and you’re not having to stutter the words, then your failure is more likely an attempt to get attention. Just saying!

  1. You’ve cried wolf one too many times. Honestly, hearts break when someone fails. It’s not pretty when you genuinely fail at something that, for all intents and purposes, you were certain you’d be successful. Admit it — the feeling sucks!

However, the first cousin to “drama queen” is the person who cries wolf, and this ain’t no fairy tale. No one (OK, maybe the secret league of “Let’s Cry Wolfers”), enjoys being called into pains of false sympathy. It’s exhausting, nerve-racking, and down right annoying to always be around someone who’s knickers are perpetually weighed down by a fresh, large load of FAILURE.

At this point, you’re probably experiencing one of these feelings:  

  • You’re in full agreement with at least one, if not, all five of the reasons listed above and you’re ready to take steps to get out of the rut.
  • Your denial, which runs deep, has set in and you’re feverishly Googling my name — trying to figure out where I live, so you can hunt me down and rebuff me to a pulp, in order to successfully avoid the real truth of your failures.
  • You remain in a complete state of confusion about what you’ve read and, therefore, need to re-read it a couple hundred more times to ensure you comprehend the five reasons you’re failing at everything.

Truth is, where you stand is completely up to you — in your heart, mind and soul — no matter where you fall on the roads of failure or success. Just remember, where you stand in, both, failure and success is a choice … a choice of how you define, react, and move through life.

This article originally published at YourTango.com 

Why THIS Is The Real Secret To A Life Filled With Happiness

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Joy will never be yours until you understand this … AND act on it.

On the wall of my office hangs a tapestry with the following words from Jack Kornfield:

In the end what matters most is:How well did you live?How well did you love?How well did you learn to let go?

If I were to add to that list, I would ask this ONE additional question — How well did you let your true self shine for all to see?

If you say, “fully” … you’re lying. (And you can go sit in the corner!)

Yes, perhaps some of you shine brightly (full of “happiness“), but it’s simply because you “don’t care” about those trying to pollute your brilliance. If so, move onto the next article that strikes your fancy because your highly evolved self isn’t going to get anything out of this that you haven’t already heard. But for the rest of us humans, the truth is:

  • Rejection sucks!(But acceptance rocks.)
  • Often, people won’t get you, and that hurts.
  • It’s difficult being unique, so much harder than fitting in.
  • People think you’re weird — and who likes being weird?
  • Stepping out and shining might look cocky instead of confident.

If you can relate, perk those ears up because today’s challenge is to dive in — dive deep into that little sliver of yourself that’s completely filled with hidden treasures of uniqueness, which will be the game changers of your life.

How many times a day do you hear someone say, or find yourself saying, “I’m just getting by.” Or, even better yet, count how many times you hear the word “someday.”

We’re either getting by, or someday-ing, in hopes that we’ll suddenly have something of value to contribute to the world that will then lead us (easily, safely, and without discomfort or inconveninece of any kind) to peace, happiness, and stress-free living.

Hate to say it, but if you keep looking ahead that way, you’ll soon find yourself looking back saying, “Oh no, it’s too late. Why didn’t I…?” (You can fill in those little dot, dot, dots with whatever get’s you all riled up and regretful.)

But, there is a cure for getting-by and someday-ing being uniquely you without regret!

I know, that’s a long phrase to swallow. Would you like me to give you the pharmaceutical assigned name for it?  Here it is — “retunihoutyouquelywigreetts.” Or, would you prefer the layman’s brand name? I thought so. It’s called “Just Be You!”

*Gasps* How dare I suggest something so honest, vulnerable, and challenging. Yes, how dare I!

Because if you don’t venture toward truly being you, you’ll never discover your full potential and self-worth. I’m saying it’s time to rise up against the Comfy Couch Dwellers of Sameness and showcase your own unique gift to the world.

How do you attempt something that scary? How do you find happiness without the approval of others? By joining the rest of us (and there are more of us than you think, my friend) who are daring to be real and truly ourselves by following these five steps …

  • Stand tall, step out of your closets of numbness and come alive.
  • Break out of the pattern of “Yes Ma’am, Yes Sir, Yes Ma’am , Yes Sir,” and instead ask “Why?”
  • Stop hiding the toys of your brilliance for fear that some bully will take them from you.
  • Begin sharing your secrets and special talents that, up until now, were only share with our besties.
  • Be the change you want to see in this world and share your hidden talents without regard for what others may think.

Honestly, daring to celebrate your truest self is a journey in itself.

It’s an act of love that only you can give yourself when you share your talents, showcase your gems of uniqueness, and stand resolutely in the truth of THIS IS ME.

It’s time to stop keeping the true you hidden away behind a false facade of what people think you are. Instead, log in using the user name and password that only you know, to unlock the “About page” that has never before been seen by the human eye.

Move the fear of judgment, rejection, and an unfavorable ruling into the trash on the hard drive of your life and come alive being yourself — the you that existed before you reformatted what you were worth into a sound bite of others expectations.

This article originally published at YourTango.com