5 Tips For Loving The Gay Man Within

Whether your Gay or Straight, Loving Yourself From The Inside Out Makes For The Best Valentines Day!

In just a few days it will be Valentines Day. Thie day to celebrate being in a relationship, brood because you’re not, or stake your claim proudly as a member of SAD (Single Awareness Day)! I have to admit that some of those SAD parties I attended on Valentines Days’ past were so much more entertaining than the $200 dinners out with the one you love…no offense to my partner! Well actually, he wouldn’t take offense because we’ve come to a space in our relationship where it doesn’t matter what day of the year it is – we, in our own, way always celebrate our love, and rarely do we spend $200 on dinner. Not to imply that we have the storybook relationship or that we’re cheap bastards, it just happens that we’ve put work into our relationship as a couple and as individuals, listening, challenging, exploring, and most of all…digging into “The Gay Man Within” so that we tune into our love daily, and use $200 over a couple of “Date Nights!”

The Exploration

Excavating under the masks of our outer self isn’t only reserved for gay men. Lesbians, heterosexuals, transgender, bisexuals – everyone gets invited to the adventure. Whether you choose to explore or not creates a whole different voyage. I chose to explore because as a gay man, and as a guy who at one time was also married to a woman, my spelunking expedition enabled me to confront some very dark caverns; as a result, I discovered some shimmering pools of truths that have enabled me to be in “love” and “relationship” in a whole new way – with myself and others. Now, I focus on love for what it is to me, honor what it is to my partner, and believe in one mantra, “To be in a relationship you have to be in the relationship!” No fringe hanging, skulking around the corners, playing hide-n-seek. Instead you’re able to play full out and be totally in your relationship. By stepping into relationship with the gay man within – or straight man, straight woman, whatever your sexual identity – you begin to release unending stress, stop looking at your world through rose-colored glasses, and see yourself and your world through a Windex shine view.

5 Tips for Loving The Gay Man Within

• Stop Seeking and Start Listening – Stop. Breathe. Listen. Who you are at your core is shouting at you like a drag queen whose make-up is smeared. The difference: the drag queen at least opens up her compact, looks at the mirror, and says, “That just ain’t right honey,” then she fixes her makeup and moves on. Similarly, in order to get to the gay man within, you must first look at the internal mirror, listen to what your inner diva is telling you, then act with passionate resolve to create the life you desire. UmmHumm!
• Own It Girl – One of the most common feelings I encounter in working with gay men who are coming out of the closet or who are reinventing themselves in their gay lives, is a recurring belief, “That’s not me!” Well if it isn’t you then “Who the hell is it?” After all, it’s your body, led by your thoughts and emotions that cause you to do what you’re doing. If those behaviors are’nt the real you, then there’s no better time than the present to go uncover the real you and Own It Girl with a Capital O! Just sayin!
• Live In Your Values, Not In The Voids – When you find yourself in conflict – angry, defiant, struggling – stop and ask this one question, “What’s not in alignment with my values?” Honey, that one question alone will get you back to standing tall in those Ruby Red’s quicker than Dorothy can say, “Toto, guess we’re not in Kansas anymore!” Once you’re straightened up and back in alignment, it’s easier to step into the space of loving yourself so you can love others in a healthier manner. Plus it’s a little easier to change a thought than to “Work that body, work that body,” to get pecs of steel..I think?
• See Yourself As Being Pretty As A Picture – Let’s be honest. We all like pretty things – however we define pretty. Muscle men, boy next-door types, nerdy geeks, stocky daddies – all have their appeal and draw our attention in different ways. The trap that turns “pretty into ugly” in a heartbeat, is the overt need to seek in other men what we don’t see in ourselves, thus bastardizing our own self-worth. Shame, shame, shame! The road to loving the gay man within has no room for lack of self-worth or comparisons. So shove that muscle daddy in the closet, turn the Calvin Klien poster boy around at the door that makes you feel “less than,” and look at yourself in the mirror, then embrace what you’ve got going on. You’re pretty as a picture just the way you are. If you think otherwise, just remember, it’s just a thought, so let it shimmy on by and tell it to take number and let it know you’ll get back ot it later!
• Stay In Love – Finding love can be daunting. Staying in love can be downright intimidating. Or is it? Watching your jet black curls, known for driving men crazy, turn into a miniature forest of “pubic hairs” on the top of your head is enough to make some men say, “Who’s going to love me now?” Or maybe seeing your ripped pecs float into the Netherland Region of your Muffin Top, causes you to pause and consider, “Am I really going to end up wearing elastic waistbands like my Dad?” Regardless of the change or experiences along the journey that we encouter as gay men, the key is staying in love with yourself and realizing that change is inevitable. How you react to change is your choice. And Lord knows us gay men need lots to choose from, so why not choose to just be blissfully at ease with change!

This Valentines Day, or any day for that matter, dial into loving yourself each and every day. When you do, the message on the other end of the line is, “I’m worth it and I’m loved, so who wouldn’t want to be me and be with me!” Happy Valentines Day.

This article originally published at YourTango.com