Admit it. Or not. It’s totally up to you. But you don’t have your shit together, at least not all the time. Once you realize that, you either a) pretend it doesn’t exist like the muffin top starting to form around your waist, b) freak out and max out your credit cards on self-help books to get your shit together, or c) spend a sleepless night Googling “I don’t have my shit together Gurus.” In reality, your cry for help, or lack thereof requires one thing, and one thing only – that you give yourself permission to admit “I don’t have my shit together!”
I know. Kind of simple isn’t it. But hey, the best things in life are pretty damn simple. When you’re hungry, you eat. When you have to pee, you pee! When you feel like smiling, you smile. When you need to fart, you fart. Ok that last one may not be simple if you’re sitting next to the Queen of England, but you get the drift, and so will she if you fart in her presence. But enough of this fart and shit talk. Let’s focus.
If you don’t have your shit together, lots of shit can go wrong, lots of shit can come up, and lots of shit can go down. Heck, there’s a million (well maybe not a million) metaphors, parallels, and insights about what can happen when you don’t have your shit together. In reality, and I don’t mean virtual reality, when you don’t have your shit together you feel lousy, aren’t excited about life, and you start hating on yourself for not doing the thing(s) you keep giving yourself lip service about that you’re going to do. It’s all one big unconscious mind fuck! Yet, it’s so simple really. Let me explain.
When a baby (gender not relevant) has a dirty, shitty diaper, what do you do? You take it off, clean up the butt, and dispose properly of the diaper so as not to affect Mother Earth or offend anyone. What’s so damn funny is every day, we have dirty, shitty diapers of our lives that we don’t take off, that offend not only ourselves, but a lot of other people on the planet, and the way we dispose of these dirty shitty diapers of our lives is to wallow in them and make everyone miserable. Which begs the question, “Why do we keep wearing the dirty shitty diapers of our lives instead of getting out of them, cleaning ourselves up, and disposing of the dirty diaper syndrome?” Why? Because for some reason we’re getting something from the dirty shitty diapers of our lives.
But hold the diaper dispensers and the baby wipes! If we get our shit together, dispose of the dirty diapers of our lives, and clean ourselves up, we just might (probably will) stop hating on ourselves, sleep like babies with less stress in our lives, and, wait for it, wait for it…we might actually GET BOLD SHIT DONE! I know. Amazing, right? The obvious is almost always sitting right there in front of us and we just have to clear the crap to find the truth. It’s kind of like the ongoing relationship we have with toilets and urinals. When we visit the porcelain Gods we feel relief, can relax, and GET BOLD SHIT DONE, until it’s time to visit again.
Life is a series of shit disposal so that we can continue to move through life. But it won’t ever happen until you realize, you don’t have to have a self-help book and loads of credit card debt, or go on an endless quest for the right shit removal guru. Heck, there’s not even anything scientific about admitting you don’t have your shit together or removing the shit from your life. You simply start by embracing the 10 Brutally Honest, Non-Scientific, No Guru Needed, Ways To Get Your Shit Together! So let’s get started.
#10 – Admit you don’t have your shit together
Ok, swallow hard. Put on your game face. And for once, between you, me, and your computer screen, simply admit you don’t have your shit together. There’s no shame. Really, there isn’t. Unless you shame yourself, which is what most of us do when we’re infected by not having our shit together. Yes, infected. That’s what I said.
The infection leaves you feeling unmotivated, frustrated, stops you from getting things done, or maybe finds you doing the wrong things and it’s a downward spiral, all because you don’t have your shit together. Hey, stop shitting all over yourself. You’re human, you can move past this, and this too will pass, no pun intended. Before you can take two Asprins and call me in the morning, the infection will go away, but only if you realize, you’re afraid of screwing up, admit that wrong decision phobia strangling you, and of course that you care to damn much about what other people think. Sounds familiar, right?
Here’s the poop scoop. You’re not alone, we’ve all been there, and no one wants to truly look like a walking shit storm. But, without the shit storms of life, you can’t do awesome stuff. Can’t make bold moves. Can’t live outside of the shadows. And, you’ll never learn to step out of black and white thinking, without admitting, “I don’t have my shit together!”
So my precious little denier, what is one to do, who has trouble swallowing their pride, and admitting their shit does stink? You take little baby poops towards admitting you don’t have your shit together. One little thing at time so that you don’t constipate up your mind with admitting to many ways you don’t have your shit together. Relax…not ExLax…and release one little crappy little thing at a time.
#9 – Tell Your Permission Phobia To Sashay Away
Let’s be honest, because that’s the only way you’re ever going to get over your shit. The scary, simple, but oh so complicated step to take after you admit you don’t have your shit together is to give yourself permission to get over it. No lip service, no excuse making, no telling yourself it’s too scary, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Nope, not going to listen to it. I’ve said those things to myself and so much more, then I realized, “Damn, I’ve got to get past my permission phobia!”
You see, permission phobia is an illness. Ranks right up there with the Not Good Enough headaches; the But, But, But speech impediments; and the Can’t Take Action muscle spasms. We’ve got every ailment in the world working for us when we won’t give ourselves permission to do the damn thing we’re wanting, meant, and desiring to do. Heck, we can wait for perfection, stand with our hands out waiting for other people to bless our decision, and of course we can find every silly little annoying loophole excuse in the world for not doing something, then we wonder why we can’t get our shit together. Hello! I speaketh the truth!
Fear of failure, the thought of being vulnerable, learning to trust yourself, and the truth of “OMG am I really ready to take a stand?,” too often paralyzes the permission granted intuition that simmers inside all of us. Whether we let that intuition come to a full boil and erupt over the sides of the pot that is our lives into a delicious entrée of PERMISSION GRANTED, FULL STEAM AHEAD, depends on how hungry you are to get your shit together!
Is it a craving, a secret little nibble you just want to steal to see if it tastes right, or is it a full on FEED ME rampage that satisfies your animal hunger to get your shit together? Doesn’t really matter, where you land on the hunger spectrum of getting your shit together. It only matters that you give yourself permission to make it happen, and give that permission your way. To make it simple, there’s a four letter word to guide you. In fact this word is almost so obvious that once I share it, you’ll probably say to yourself, “Duh, why didn’t I figure this out?” Truth is, you do this all the time and you don’t even realize how subconsciously you do it and it create results. So you ready for it? I know you’re about to pee your pants waiting in anticipation. The word is – FEEL. And the simple question you want to ask yourself is, “How do I want to FEEL once I give myself permission to get my shit together?” Yes, it’s that simple. Once you know how you want to feel, now you have a goal. The how you get there will be easier to determine, because you will be focused on how you want to feel.
So go ahead, give yourself PERMISSION to ask HOW DO I WANT TO FEEL, once I GET MY SHIT TOGETHER? Oh, and make sure you answer the question, otherwise you’ll still be in the shitter so to speak.
#8 – Confront The Confusion
I know, I know, I know. Confrontations are not fun, unless you’re a sadistic creep. Ok, well some confrontations have to be had, but that still doesn’t make them fun. However, if you don’t confront your confusion, any confusion head on, you won’t get anywhere. I know this sounds so elementary, but it is and it isn’t, so get off your high horse of knowledge and go with me, just for a minute with this train of thought. If you don’t agree you can get off at the next train stop.
When you’re in confusion hell, you avoid making decisions, you get all up in your silly excuse making as to why you can’t do something, and you’ll do anything but the thing you should be doing. Trust me. Getting to writing this blog took me right down that path I just described…1, 2, 3…in that order. So I live the truth of which I speak.
I found myself saying I couldn’t find the answer to why I should write this blog post, I didn’t know what to do to make it have the most impact, I was afraid to ask for help, and I had become comfortable in my confusion. Yes, I said, “Comfortable in my confusion!” Don’t roll your eyes, you know you’ve been there too. We get so used to being confused that each day is just another day of Confusion Conundrum and we live with it, until we can’t no more. I know. When I came out of the closet it was because the confusion conundrum was killing me. Then I woke up and asked one critical question. “Why is this so confusing?”
I dug in for days, exploring that question until I exhausted every frickin’ possibility I could come up with as to why I was so confused. And that, my blog reading friend (at least I hope you are my friend), is what you need to do to. Dig in, maybe not for days, and ask, why are you feeling so confused about getting your shit together? It’s a valid question and will be time well spent. It will. I promise. But only if you want to get your shit together. Once you have the list, pick one or two things on that give you clarity and start working on them to free yourself from being in this shit storm that you’ve created.
#7 – Stop Making Excuses
As a kid, teen, young adult, college grad, husband, divorced guy, gay man, husband for the second time, and parent to two adult children, I can tell you that I’m an excuse machine and I’ve more than heard my fair share of excuses. From myself, my parents, my kids, my ex-wife, my husband, my bosses, my co-workers, etc., etc., etc. This isn’t headline news. We all can make excuses like nobody’s busyness (business). Yes I said, busyness and I know it’s not a word but go with it, no excuses required as to why you can’t! You see excuse making is busyness making and will keep you from getting your shit together every time, all day long! Even if you say you don’t want the excuses to get in the way, they do until you realize you create these excuses and you’re the culprit. I’m not pointing fingers, just stating the facts!
You’ll know you are suffering from excuse making if you constantly PERMIT, yes PERMIT all caps, things to get in the way. It’s rare that things get in the way by their own doing unless you happen to driving a car, walking down a street, etc. Movement often leads to things getting in the way. Sitting still, on the comfy couch of your shitty life doesn’t provoke stuff to leap out of nowhere and get in your way. If you think that’s what happen then your munching on too many Marijuana Chocolate Edibles. Nothing against the edibles. Just saying!
Another symptom that you’re an excuse making machine is that you relish the overwhelm, as much as you hate the overwhelm. You make an excuse and it overwhelms you. You stop making excuses and the thought of taking action overwhelms you. Funny how that works and before you know it, you’re making excuses for taking action and not taking action. It’s ok. You’re human. A human excuse maker, just like the rest of us, but you can change that. How so? Get down and dirty with your excuses.
Start slinging the mud of excuses and digging into why you’re afraid to look like a fool, or afraid you’ll make the wrong choice, or my favorite, “If I do this, then I’m responsible!” Hello, wake up and smell the Chai Tea Latte (my version of coffee and no smart comments about what I drink)! Truth is, you are responsible, so own it. Own your excuses and the lack of action, direction, ambition, motivation, whatever the word is that you need to own. Instead, do a little self-sleuthing and uncover your common excuses. One is going to be the excuse you make all the time with ease. The other is going to be the excuse you make but you kind of cringe when you use it. Take the first one, the easy-peasy one and dump it immediately, however you can. Trust me, it’s killing your mojo. Now, take the hard one, the one that makes you cringe and take it to the gym of life. Try to uncover, discover, strip it down to three ways you can begin to quit making that excuse. I know, I know, I know, this sounds like work, but so is getting your shit together, so no more excuse making. Break it down like a bad ass Beyonce’ move and quit making excuses!
#6 – Quit Living Someone else’s Dream
OMG. This is my worst nightmare, and probably yours too, but you may not be admitting it yet. Trust me seeker of getting over your shit. Until you quit living someone else’s dream for your life, your life is going to be in the toilet. And no one wants to be swimming around in the toilet bowl unless you are one of those little scrubbing bubbles guys and I don’t even thing they enjoy that job because once they are done, they just get flushed. However, flushed is where we are headed.
We’re walking up to the shiny, sparkly, dream machine and going to flush everyone else’s dreams of who they think you should be down the sewer pipes of eternity. No more living a life of one way obligations just so someone else can feel comfortable in their skin about you. And that habit you have of being there for everyone else when they aren’t there for you, yeah, that’s getting a double flush…with love. It’s time to stop the miserable constipation of living dreams that aren’t your own.
Instead, lovingly, with confidence and self-care, realize that if someone gets offended because you burst their dream bubble of who you are, that’s on them, not you. No need to keep fearing losing friends or family, or shying away from your happiness, real happiness because it scares you. It’s time to get clear, like a Windex shine, and know what DREAMS you want, and go for it.
There is one caveat (that means one consideration, stipulation). When you pursue your dreams, and step away from other people’s dreams for you, don’t be an ass about it. Be real, but not crass. Headline News is filled with Crass Assess and you don’t want to be that headline news Crass Ass. Or, maybe you do. If so, ask yourself, does being a crass ass help me get my shit together. The answer I believe is nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, and Fick No!
Instead of going down the spiral of crass ass, pull out a pen and paper, pencil if you prefer, and if you must go digital, go digital, and make a “I wish I wasn’t…” list. Go for it. Put everything on that list that you wish you weren’t doing, being, avoiding, etc. Once you’re done, study the list. Don’t just skim, study it. The goal is to look deep and determine who you are doing those things for on the list. You’re Mom, Dad, Kindergarten Teacher, Boss you can’t stand but who can get you promoted? Who? The who then becomes the why and from there, the work will then help you begin to answer this question – “If I didn’t do this for ________ would I still be doing it?” Your answers will guide you and will begin to help you clean up the false dream shit of your life and replace it with the real dreams of your life that make a shit load of difference on your happiness.
#5 – Stop Apologizing, Start Owning You
Not sure how and why this all started, but somewhere down the generational lines of humanity, like excuse making, we became apology addicts. Again. Don’t roll your eyes and act like you don’t do this. Every one of us apologizes for stuff that needs no apology. For instance, a simple FART in public is a simple FART but OMG we apologize profusely. Yes, it stinks, but in about 30 seconds, unless it’s a juicy bean and cheese burrito filled FART, the smell will dissipate. And while you are trying to be consciously correct when you break wind, by the time you are done apologizing for cutting the cheese, the whiff has passed and life has moved on. Apology accepted but what might you be able to do if you weren’t so busy making apologies?
Maybe you’d quit saying, “Yes, but…” so much. Or, maybe you’d find more time to defend why you hold a belief instead of apologizing for it. And my favorite, “I know I shouldn’t.” Really you shouldn’t what? Here’s the thing. At least from my perspective (see if what I just wrote is a veiled apology). So I’m going to rewrite the statement so you can see how to eliminate an apology with a little word smithing. Here’s the thing that I know to be true, that I’ve observed in my study of human behavior. Most people who apologize for everything they do fear standing up for themselves, are afraid of confrontation and ridicule, and don’t like getting out of their comfort zone, so they apologize and apologize for everything they do, even if it means they ate everything on their plate!
Apologizing has its place, but it shouldn’t rule your life so much that you can’t clean up the shit in your life. If you are apologizing for taking time to yourself, then you are shortchanging you, and the only person you should apologize to is YOU! If you apologize for not wanting to do something because you don’t want to do it, own it and own it loud and proud and don’t do it. Again, don’t be a crass ass about it, but simply say, “Hey that’s really not my thing, and I’d rather not do it.” Don’t say anything else. Leave it at that. As soon as it becomes an apology, you start to diminish your self-worth and lose yourself. Once you’ve lost yourself, it’s very hard to find your way back to you, and back to getting your shit together.
So here’s a little trick I learned that works on so many fronts. It’s called, “Closet Tools!” WTF? Let me explain. What I discovered as I came out of the closet, and as I’ve guided many people out of all kinds of closets, is that everything you need to come out of the closet is in your closet. All the tools, abilities, tips, tricks, insights, etc. Whatever closet you are hiding or stuck in, contains everything you need to get out of the closet. All you have to do is find the stuff that you’ve used in the past to be successful, or things that make you confident and capable, and leverage them.
Same holds true for learning to stop apologizing. Whatever the fuck makes you confident, capable, and committed to speaking your truth, will make you confident, capable, and committed to stop apologizing. So that’s your next assignment. Make a list of “What makes you feel confident, capable, and committed to stop apologizing and to get your shit together?” Go ahead. Make the list. I’ll be waiting for you just down the list at #4.
#4 – Create and live by your non-negotiable shit list
“It’s not negotiable!” How many times throughout history have those three words been spoken that change the fabric of our lives? I’m no historian, and don’t want to take up our valuable time here with a frickin’ history lesson, but I am sure each of us can recall numerous times in history, our own lives, or at someone else’s hand, we’ve heard the words, “It’s not negotiable!” Depending on how that phrase gets delivered it’s either a deal breaker, a button pusher, or winner. For you, Mr. and Mrs. Get Your Shit Together Avoider, I want those three words to become a winner, winner, chicken dinner. Not sure why I used that phrase, but it probably cropped up from my Southern upbringing. Yes, I lived in the South where I learned the art of the hospitality, eatin’ fried green tomatoes, the appreciation for a good ol’ southern drawl, and of course a Southern Sunday Morning sippin’ cocktails. But I regress, we’re here to talk about non-negotiables. Which actually, Sunday Mornings are non-negotiable in my life. They are my time, and I decide what I choose to do for me on Sunday mornings. So see, that’s a perfect example of having a non-negotiable in your life that keeps life from becoming a shit storm.
There’s no room in my Sunday mornings for wishy washy thinking about what to do, or failing to take a stand for my desires. I set my intentions and follow through with confidence, not allowing others to influence my Sunday morning routine unless I choose to let that be the direction I decide to go. And yes, a man can change his mind.
For most of us though, we forget to set our non-negotiables for our lives and then find ourselves in the wishy washy state of caving in, having low self-esteem, lacking confidence, being overtly influenced by others, and chase quick wins because we bend our non-negotiables. Hey, it happens, so get over it. But get over it in a way that causes you to say, “This is me, I’m worth it, and if I don’t set up a few, or a lot, of non-negotiables in my life, my shit is going to continue to stink and stink bad!
Of course, setting up your non-negotiables is as scary as finding yourself naked in Times Square. If you have a list of non-negotiables for your life you might buy into your own bullshit that calling attention to yourself is bad; or you fear losing friends and respect; or this one that always gets me is that it is impossible to living life on your terms. Really? If you buy into all that you are blowing unconscious smoke up your own…well you know where I meant. So stop the unnecessary smoke blowing and step into your confidence and build a small list, to start, of non-negotiables for your life. These will become your guideposts, your north star, your…wait, wait, wait. I’m starting to sound too guru like and I said you didn’t need a guru to get your shit together.
Here’s all you need to do to create your non-negotiable list. The one that will help you further get your shit together. Make a list of things that you do that when you do them you find yourself saying, “Why did I do that?” Trust me, all of us have a core list of things we do that ends up in that question. Then, take that list – just 5 to 10 things at the most for starters – and define the exact opposite of what you’d like to do in that situation. Don’t judge it or make any excuses (if necessary, re-read #7). Make the opposites list and that becomes your starting Non-Negotiable Manifesto for living your life SHIT FREE!
#3 – Trust your gut instinct
Have to be totally honest and transparent. Not that I haven’t been, but here’s the real deal. I have a gut. Not just a muffin top. A gut. I’m working on losing it, or at least trimming it down to a least a two pack (six packs are pretty to look at and play with, but just so much work). Alas, I am getting sidetracked again. But not really. You see, my gut, my physical pooch that I can’t ignore when I look down, reminds me it also contains one of my most valuable assets (not my ass). It contains my gut instinct. Ok, ok, ok. I know that isn’t where instinct and intuition reside but it does to a degree. You see, each time I know something is right, like cutting loose to write this blog post with profanity in it and not give a damn, my gut instinct rushes forward like the Rockettes in perfect synchronization, kicking and shouting “Yes, Yes, Yes. My instinct and intuition know what’s best!” Always dreamed of being a rocket, but that’s probably too much information and a whole other blog post. Now back to regularly scheduled blog writing about trusting your gut instinct and intuition.
When you ignore, can’t tap into, or don’t trust your instincts or intuition, your symptoms usually look like this – logical thinking rules your life; following your heart and soul is to woo woo; you’re afraid of other people telling you that you’re too sensitive; and you consistently don’t trust yourself to believe yourself. I could go on, but this isn’t supposed to be a depressive downward spiral that destroys your ability to trust your instinct. No, no, no. This is about guiding you to go with your intuition. Trust yourself, take a risk, allow uncertainty to be the playground, and let being wrong or not good enough have a front row center seat in your shitty life every once in a while. You are not going to die from following the intuition road. After all, look at what happened when Dorothy and friends followed the Yellow Brick Road. Turned out pretty damn good and the wicked witch went bye-bye.
It’s time for your wicked witch of avoiding your instinct, intuition, trusting your gut – whatever you want to call it – to go away, far, far, far away. Consider your intuition and instinct your own personal road map to being able to say “There’s no place like home!” Home being, where you fully trust yourself to follow your intuitive hits. Of course it will be scary because we don’t know the outcome, but do we ever really know the outcome of anything? And when we pursue having to know the outcome, we often just create more shit in our lives to have to deal with.
Go for the outcome and goal, but leave room to trust your intuition. Here’s a great way to begin to exercise that muscle. Think back over your life, however far back works for you, to a time or times where you trusted your gut instinct. I like to suggest making a little timeline of intuitive hits. What you will find is that your instinct has served you and probably served you well, over, and over, and over again. So, tap back into those moments, explore how you felt when the intuitive hit happened, ask yourself what was the outcome, and what did you learn from following your instincts, taking that gut punch, and following it. Then use those observations to start working your intuition/instinct muscle now. Each and every day in every way.
#2 – Accept that shit happens and that’s when shift happens
I believe that when we are in our biggest SHIT, that is when our biggest SHIFTS happen. And I realize I am not the first to say that. However, here’s where I feel like I try to play this differently. I willingly allow, and give myself permission to dive into the shit storms of life. Not always, because, hey I’m human. But when I am at my most mindful state of being, I actually say, “Ok, this shit stinks but let’s dive in and get through it!” Is it easy, PUHLEASE! It’s as hard, if not harder than being in the shit storm of life.
You stand there afraid to fail, knowing you’ll do anything to avoid pain, trying to force your perfectionist to take control and telling yourself if you don’t let your compulsive fixer save the day, you’re screwed. Ok, fine, play it that way. Or you could dive into the messiness, hold on through the detours, embrace change, and pull out your own version of a light saber and battle your way through the distractions that are keeping you from your goal – getting over your shit!
It’s all about being curious and taking a three-pronged approach to accepting that shit happens so that you can make the shift happen. 1) Allow yourself to sit in the shit of life, then 2) Ask, “What can I learn from this?”, and then 3) Determine, “How can I fix this?”
See, as simple as 1, 2, 3. Ok, I realize it’s not that simple, but if you think about it, by simply following this path, with patience and permission, you will become more clear headed and able to invite the shift in. Just imagine starting with #3, then trying to do #2, and then ending with #1. Or going from #2, to #1, to #3. Or even worse, #3, to #1, to #2. The best possible route is #1, #2, #3.
Try it out. Think of something right now in your life that is the shits! Complete and total shit! Be with it. Love on it. And, just about the time you think you can’t love it, ask “What can I learn from this?” Ask it over and over and over and over and over again until you come up with 1, 2, 3, however, many answers that help you shift, so that you can then accomplish #3, “How can I fix this?”
Go ahead. Be skeptical, but trust the process, the unknown, the scary uncertainty and then smile a shit eating grin when you make the shift and get out of your shit!
#1 – Admit That Most Shit Is Short Lived & Self-Created
Ok, I know I just lobbed the big mother lode on ya for this last one. Heck, I’ve lobbed this one on myself, several times and it’s rarely pretty until I swallow that mindful version of Ex-lax for the thoughts, and realize, I created most of the shit that is happening to me and most of it will only last as long as I allow it to happen. Now I hear the groans and feel the bullshit daggers you are throwing at me, but give me just a moment to put on my shit deflectors and explain.
If you lose your job, you may not have had anything to do with it. However, you might have put the energy out to the universe that, “I cool. I’m good. I’ve got nothing to worry about.” Then wham, like full frontal attack to get that last warm chocolate chip cookie on the tray, the universe hands you the lesson you need most and the shit storm hits. You may not think you intentionally called this on yourself, but something about your energy, or some lesson you need to learn brought it to you. So now it’s time to draw the line, tell this shit it’s about to get flushed, and make a short dump of it.
You see, the sooner you dive in and own your shit, that somehow you created, and let it know that you’re the boss, the quicker it will be over. Even in the worst of shit storms. Loss of a loved one, divorce, cancer, weight gain, volcanic eruptions, out of control politics. All of these things we can have a hand in fixing if we own our creation of it, let it know it’s going to be short lived, and, this is the big one, realize all of this shit is mostly our own thoughts and perceptions about what is happening. Change the thought, you change the perception. I know. It can’t be that simple but it is.
So now you get to practice. Think of 3 shitty things that are going on in your life right now. What’s the first thought you have about that situation? Write it down. Then how does it make you feel when you have that thought? Now change the thought. Change it to something where you feel empowered. Now how do you feel? And now what can you do?
They say it’s all mind over matter. I say it’s just letting your thoughts know you are in the driver’s seat, willing to own the shit you created and not afraid to make this shit as short-lived as possible.
So what do you say? Can you adopt any of these ideas for getting your shit together? If you say, “No,” then your shitting on yourself. If you say, “Yes,” then you’re wiping your life clean, spraying the air freshener, and fertilizing where you want to go and grow when you get your shit together.