You're crystal clear about your sexuality, but you’re still feeling
confused and scared about this whole “coming out” thing...
Right now, everything in your life is a contradiction.
Inside, you know what’s true for you, but you don’t want to announce it to the world yet! You’re not ready to “come out” of the closet, and you should never feel the pressure to do so. It might not even be the right thing to do at all...at least, not for right now.
Because for you, it's too soon to say, "I'm gay!"
It's good knowing who you are. Because there’s a priceless peace of mind that comes with knowing that you’re for sure attracted to other men, and you’re either gay, bisexual, queer, or any label you already feel comfortable with defining yourself…and yet, you’re still ashamed, scared, and confused by it all, still.
Everything you are right now in this moment is in complete opposition to the life you’ve lived:
- How you see yourself
- How others see you
- who you thought you found attractive
It all leaves you thinking.
- “I have to be careful and not get caught, or I’ll lose everything! I’m not about to come out of the closet, whatever the hell that means….”
- “It’s not just sex. It’s not just a phase anymore. There’s more to this, but it’s too much to handle right now.”
- “I’m tired of living a double life right now. I’m exhausted of living in constant anxiety and fear of getting caught!”
- “Does God hate me? Will those around me hate me? Will they accept me, or will they reject me?”
It's all one big conflict…
But it doesn’t have to be. Because you no longer need to
keep letting guilt and shame take up residence in your life!
Yes, you find yourself in a restless and fearful state of disbelief, on the daily. But you do not need to stay stuck here. Many gay, bisexual, and queer-identifying men remain stuck in this vicious cycle of self-sabotage for years with no end in sight.
And it’s all f*cking terrible because you find yourself:
- Obsessing about having a relationship with another man, but taking no actions about it.
- Frustrated by your fears, constantly asking yourself, “What’s wrong with me?”
- Constantly lying to your loved ones and feeling guilty about it all.
- Living in a constant state of confusion because you’re not sure if “coming out” is the right thing for you...
The good news is that you know who you are, so the hard part is over.
Believe it or not, deciding whether to come out or not, and learning to stop hating yourself for being gay, bisexual, etc., is the second most challenging part of this whole process. Not the first. The hardest part is OVER WITH!
You’re in the second stage of your final transformation to a fulfilling, self-actualizing, happy, and self-confident, queer-identifying man!
You’re in Stage 2 of your 3-stage transformation:
Embarking on a journey to get you comfortable accepting yourself.
And what you need is a relaxed, no-pressure environment that gives you the freedom to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
You need a safe space that allows you to consider all the pros and cons of coming out and do it in a way where you no longer hate yourself for being who you are!
A safe space for you to...
- Express your fears
- Confront your confusion
- Continue to explore and grow in your innermost sexual desires without shame.
You not only need an empathic listener who has been where you are at right now, YOU NEED a strategist who has been specifically trained to deal with this particular situation of “coming out.” And there aren’t too many of us out there, by the way.
But how do you know if I’m the right person for you to do this with?
Because I know, in the worst possible way, where you're coming from.
I was about to lose everything and everyone I loved if I came out.
But, that's not all that qualifies me to work with you as your coach!
I’m not some bullsh*t self-entitled guru who, just because they’ve come out, thinks they can coach other people into doing the same.
I took this coaching thing seriously, went through a rigorous coach training program certified by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), and now I’m on the mission to help my LGBTQ+ community thrive.
Instead of becoming a therapist or going into non-profit work in the LGBTQ+ community, I’ve found my home in coaching, invested heavily and continue to invest in my coaching skills, to support people like you to become their best LGBTQ+ selves!
In the coaching world, a lot of life coaches don’t bother training. Ok, that works for them. And some of the ones that do aren’t ICF-approved. Ok, that works for them. Both those options didn't work for me to feel alive as a coach.
Instead, I chose a different path. I did the long, hard work of becoming an ICF-certified coach, to truly have impact in the work you and I will do together to get you on the right path of your coming out journey!
With over 10,000 hours of coaching under my belt, I have the practical, results-producing experience to know that every man’s process is different, and every man is at different stage in their coming out journey.
This is why I divide this “coming out” process into 3 different stages, to meet you exactly where you are and guide you to your best self at this stage of your journey. I know this process is complicated, and it needs to be separated into 3 DISTINCT stages (at least) for your coaching to be EFFECTIVE. In order for you to live the best version of your life, you need to gain peace of mind and self-confidence that only comes from fully embracing this second stage of coming out loving yourself in your sexual identity.
Also, I know what it’s like to feel helpless and at the mercy of your sexuality.
To believe that your sexuality is the thing
that will break everything down in your life
Before I came out, I had a wife and two beautiful daughters. My youngest was 9 months old. My oldest, a 3 ½-year-old toddler. I used to travel for work, so hooking up on the DL wasn’t an issue for me. It’s easy when you’re away from home, and you don’t have to hide much of it. All this worked fine. Staying in the closet was the best thing for me. I felt okay with this. Maybe not happy, but it was better than coming out.
That worked until I went to the gay bars by myself for the first time in London. And there I met a good-looking Brit who sparked up a conversation that lasted 4 hours and ended up in his hote. I remember walking out of the lovely hotel he was staying at and feeling messed up inside. But in a really beautiful way.
The sun was brighter. The thoughts I had were clearer. The gait in my step was so powerful. Two days later, we both left. I got on a plane from London to my hometown in the U.S.
I landed and called my wife, “As soon as we’re both home tonight, we need to talk.” I told her that night, “I’m gay. And I met somebody.” My wife was shocked and angry, as you would expect. Ironically enough, though, she wasn’t angry because I was gay. She was angry because I had cheated on her. I left my house within 24 hours. Leaving my two young daughters behind and my soon-to-be ex-wife, with no reassurance, I would keep the privilege of being a father.
I was possibly about not to be a father. I was about not to be a husband. I was about to be everything I wanted to be in coming to terms with being gay and being myself. And yet, I was about to lose everything I thought I was supposed to be.
My ex-wife and I had many issues and tribulations during the process of me fighting to be with my daughters and being a father. It took years for our family to reach the calm I craved when I came out to my ex-wife. But at the end of the day, the truth comes down to, “What is good for YOU? What’s gonna make you the best possible person you can be in your own life?”
Because when that happens, you become the best possible version of yourself to those you love in your life. And all this fear you feel about exploring your sexuality could lead to you feeling an urge to come out, which will undoubtedly result in disaster in your life…All of this fear will, without question, go away.
But it is a process. And I take you through this process in my 6-step system of Loving Yourself in Your Queer Male-Identity, part of which is deciding whether coming out is the best thing for you...
Because you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to know what is the best thing for you to do: To come out, or not to come out.
And this is the question now, isn’t it? I don’t mean to get all Shakespearean on you, but damn it, if that’s not an existential question every gay or bisexual man asks themselves.
Should I come out, or stay in the closet?
And with this realization, we may decide that coming out may NOT be the best thing to do for you - right now. Because in your particular situation, you should wait, or maybe you simply don’t do this at all…, and that is OKAY.
It’s incredible how many LGBTQ+ coaches out there don’t make it okay for you to stay in the closet if this serves you best. And if you do, we work to develop the best way possible to come to terms with this decision and learn to love yourself in it...because you are worthy of it!
In our coaching relationship, we take the necessary steps for you to stay in the closet or to come out, whichever direction you decide. Either way...
YOU STILL LIVE the best version of your life where you’ve gained peace of mind and self-confidence that only comes from loving yourself in your sexual identity.
Because we live in the real world, and in the real world, sometimes you need to give yourself time to come out. Because your life circumstances dictate, it’s best to wait.
So then, what do you do? And how do you go about not
living in fear and anxiety of being in the closet?
Ask Yourself, "Is Coming Out Coaching Right For Me?"
Because whether that’s in or outside of the closet, it doesn’t matter. Spending life in the closet full of self-hatred and fear is no life worth living.
And this is what Coming Out Stage 2: Is Coming Out Right for Me? is all about. Accepting yourself in living life either in or outside the closet. Coming to peace and loving yourself in this decision. All while taking specific steps curated to your particular situation to achieve the best results possible!
You need to determine if a life in the closet is right for you. Without judgment or fear to explore your options. It’s time that you live a life where you’ve learned to genuinely love and accept yourself for who you are!
But this doesn’t mean that you need to come out right away. Instead, you are provided with a safe space to explore your options, working closely with me one-on-one.
You'll have the opportunity to ask someone who has not only been trained to coach you, but who also has a breadth of experience taking gay, bisexual, and questioning men on the difficult journey of deciding whether or not they should come out of the closet.
In this coaching program, you will have access to the following:
- A safe coaching experience with me where you can express your fears and feelings of guilt without judgment.
- A coaching relationship where you’re given the space to address your confusion and ask questions.
- A safe space where your desires are not only explored but validated, because yes, it is, in fact, normal to have feelings for another man.
I felt like my life was on cruise control. Moving, but no real fulfilling direction. I was a little fearful about looking deep into my life to see why I was stuck, but the thought of continuing to be stuck was worse. Rick’s provided me with powerful insights and tools to rid myself of my victim mentality. I’m extremely excited that things are looking pretty damn good!
Throughout the 18 months I have worked with Rick, I have developed a genuine, strong, overwhelming love for myself. I no longer have an inner fight going on. I am aware of my thoughts, my actions, my choices, and the energy I put into the world. Now I am a MAN, a GAY man, who can stand up and love himself regardless of who is in the room.
Rick is extremely supportive, full of love and helps you tackle and overcome obstacles in an honest and straightforward fashion. Sometimes we need someone on the outside to guide us through the process and keep us on track to reach our goals. I always feel comfortable talking with Rick, and can tell he is truly listening, cares about what I am saying and wants me to succeed
When I first contacted Rick to begin coaching sessions, I was going through the greatest crisis of my entire life… I had finally come to terms with the fact that I am gay. Rick was a tremendous support for me at that time, thoughtfully walking me through the process of understanding myself and eventually coming out to my family and friends.
Rick’s approach to coaching made all the difference. He never directed me to do anything. He never gave me a recipe for how to live my life. He simply asked questions that allowed me to make my own decisions and to chart my own path.
It’s been two years since I began work with Rick and I have to say, my life is completely transformed. My crisis is in the past and I have reached a place where I am profoundly happy. My relationships with my family and friends are wonderful. I am at peace with myself and I feel like I have a new direction in my life.
Whatever your issues: whether they be coming out, or transitioning to a new phase of life, I highly recommend Rick and his tremendous life coaching abilities.
You have a calling in this life to come out to yourself...To show up for yourself.
Our coaching relationship - 3 to 6 months working together - is an investment in you that includes:
- Weekly video 1 hour, private intimate, sessions
- An initial "what that heck's not working" assessment with specific steps start the forward momentum
- Weekly action assignments to help you navigate the journey with dignity and respect for yourself and others!
- Straight-forward tools that put you on track for identifying your sexuality
- Access to me via email, text, or Voxer
- A fluid action plan that morphs depending on your needs
- Results that YOU DEFINE that WE BOTH MAKE HAPPEN, and that FIT YOUR LIFE
Why 3-6 months, you might ask? Because in all my years of experience as a gay men’s coach, it takes a minimum of 3 months and usually no more than six months to help you decide whether you should or shouldn’t come out of the closet. After this 3-6 month period, we decide the next best move of your journey, which may just be to move into: Stage 3, Implementing the Best Coming Out (or Staying In) Plan for You.
This is why I want to have a minimum 3-month commitment from you and experience with you. Because in no less than 3 months of coaching with me, I want you to experience:
- Freedom when you come to terms with your sexuality.
- Achieve inner peace when you’ve come to your decision about presenting your sexuality to the world (or how not to).
- Pride in your love for yourself as a gay or bisexual man, regardless of your decision to come out.
- A sh*t ton of weight lifted off your chest as you are coached and carried to the confidence you need to say, “I am a gay/bi man, and I’m more than happy with my coming out decision!”
- Not be shamed into staying in the closet by other people. Where we both make sure, your decision to remain in the closet comes from a place of self-care and not self-hatred.
- No longer live in fear of being caught because you no longer have to hide who you are if you decide to come out. Or…
- Come to terms with what you need to do to stay in the closet, if that is your decision. Together, we will create a personalized process that fits your particular life circumstances, so you no longer feel guilty about your decision to stay in the closet.
- Put a pep in your step as you smile to yourself, knowing that if you were to die tomorrow, you will have no regrets and live a life worth living!