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336: Coach-to-Coach, Truths About Coming Out Later In Life – Anne-Marie Zanzal

It’s been awhile since we’ve done a “He said, she said” or a “Coach To Coach” segment. But when I was contact by Anne-Marie Zanzal, I knew it was time. Especially given our political climate where it appears that the far right, and maybe even the leaning right are coming after the LGBTQ community.

Typically when these types of rumblings start to happen, one of two things occur. People hiding in the closet say “F*ck it. I’m coming out,” or “Nope, not yet, and maybe never will I come out!” When the later happens, so many people become shocked and appalled that someone hid in the closet for all those years, and then have the audacity to come out. Really? Why would you if your life might depend on it, or be ruined in so many ways.

Today, Anne-Marie and I take on this and so many other aspects of why people come out late in life around sexuality and other things that people don’t usually think pertains to coming out.

Show Highlights

* Discover the 5 top reasons people stay in heterosexual marriages, afraid to come out of the closet
* Brene Brown teaches this one thing that empowers us to come out later in life
* It’s not just sex that makes a lesbian and lesbian, and a gay man a gay man – so what is it?
* All coming out journeys – sexuality or otherwise – need to understand the full embrace, half embrace experience
* Heteronormality is a belief system just like religion

About Anne-Marie

Anne-Marie Zanzal is a proud later in life lesbian and mom of four children. She has a Master of Divinity from Yale Divinity School and a graduate certificate in Women’s Leadership from Hartford Seminary. She is an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ and has worked as a church pastor and as a chaplain in both hospitals and hospices. She is a Compassionate Bereavement Provider certified by the MISSFoundation. Along with others, she moderates a secret online support group for women coming out later in life.  Anne-Marie is an informed and entertaining speaker and group leader about coming out later in life, end of life issues, hospice and grief.  She is available for one-on-one online grief support for everyone and coming out later in life counseling for women.

You can find more of Anne-Marie’s work and her blog “Letting Go of Fear” at She lives in Nashville, TN with her partner photographer Tonda McKay.

Connect With Anne-Marie


  1. Kate Ellen on 12/09/2018 at 5:33 AM

    Omg. This is me. Thank you. I need this. I have been so scared to acknowledge that I’m gay because of internal homophobia…
    I’m a missionary in Kenya with fifteen kids, and I’m coming out at age 43….
    I can’t even tell you how complicated this is….
    Thank you!!!
    Trying to sort out my life.

  2. Kate Ellen on 12/09/2018 at 5:37 AM

    Added note: I’ve been married bc ‘god told me to’ at age nineteen for the last 24 years.

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