You're questioning your sexuality, which leaves you feeling
guilt, shame, and fear!
You also constantly find yourself in denial.You think these “gay” feelings are going to pass, and you just need to hook up with a few more guys to get this out of your system -- So that you can continue to live your perfectly ordinary, heterosexual life...
But you won’t.
Because these feelings are NOT going to pass, and no amount of hiding or hooking up will get this out of your system.
You and I both know that, and you might trick yourself into thinking it will, but let’s be honest, it won’t. There’s just no way you can be gay if you’ve had sex with women before, like women, and absolutely not gay if you’re married with kids...right?
The thing is, sexuality is more complicated than that. “Gay” vs. “straight” has become an outdated ‘black-and-white’ form of looking at sexuality that assumes sexuality is a one-way street. Psychologists agree sexuality is not as simple as that.
And yet still, whatever the case may be--whether you’re genuinely attracted to other women or not -- You’re not sure if you’re attracted to other men, but think you might be. You sometimes find yourself quickly dismissing it as some form of latent “teen hormones” kicking in. And maybe think, “it’s just a mid-life sexual crisis.”
And yet, you find yourself spending an excessive amount of time and energy trying to sort out your feelings about sex and sexuality. Guilt and shame have taken up residence in your thoughts. And you find yourself in a restless and fearful state of disbelief
You're Thinking, “How can I be gay? I’ve been with women all my life.
There was the time I (almost) hooked up with that one guy in college,
but I didn’t think much of it.
All straight guys go through that, right?”
- “I'm not enjoying straight sex. So I want to experience gay sex.”
- "But my friends and family will hate me! I'll just live life, hook up with guys on the DL from time to time. It’d be easier that way."
- “Also, if I come out, God will punish me for being gay, just like everyone has been telling me! Because it’s a sin."
- “Everyone around thinks being gay is disgusting, even if they don’t say it. And honestly, there’s part of me deep inside that thinks it’s gross too….”
All these negative thoughts leave you feeling...
- Guilt, shame, self-doubt
- Fear, confusion, and anger
- Despair, denial, and disbelief
- Lost, unmotivated, and in limbo
- Victimized, lonely, misunderstood, freaked out, and struggling
- Secretly surfing gay websites and porn
- Detaching from your straight partner
- Lashing out, constantly in sullen moods, even verbally bashing LGBTQ+ people
- Hating yourself constantly for having these “disgusting” and “unnatural” feelings about being with another man
- Believing God is testing you, so you just need to “ride this out” until these homosexual feelings go away…
But the most important question of all...if you find out you’re gay or bisexual,
is it worth coming out of the closet?
Not only are you not sure about being sexually attracted to other men, but you look at the risks of being “found out,” and coming out of the closet doesn’t seem worth it. So this whole process of exploring your sexuality TERRIFIES you. Because in the back of your head, you know this will eventually lead you to the “destructive” path of coming out.
Destroying your ties with your family, kids (if you have them), straight partner, your friends...Life will change as you know it. It paralyzes you from taking any action about it. So you just continue to be DL, hook up with guys on those online apps, and cruise.
But The Truth Is,
You DO NOT need to come out of the closet right now! Maybe Never!
Take a breath!!!
Because you’re right where you’re supposed to be!
I don't take a “one-size-fits-all” approach, nor do I believe that everyone has to come out. As if “coming out” is the goal for everyone, when sometimes it isn’t.
The first stage of this whole process is to explore your sexuality to gain the utmost clarity on what you like and don’t like. Only after that can you decide if “coming out” is the right thing for you to do. And if you’re ready for it, or you need more time.
You may decide you will NEVER come out, and that is OKAY.
I am not here to shame you into coming out, pressure you into it, or make it “the goal.” At this stage, this is not the goal. The goal is to achieve the peace of mind that only comes from accurately identifying your sexual feelings towards other men.
This is why I divide my “coming out” coaching program into three stages:
Stage 1 - You’re in the right place if your goal is not to “come out” right now. Right now, you need someone well-trained and experienced who knows how to best guide you through identifying your sexuality.
Stage 2 - You should click here to learn more if you know you’re gay, bisexual, or lie somewhere under that umbrella. But your goal still is NOT to come out yet -- it’s to work through those negative feelings, shame, and guilt that comes from making this discovery about your sexuality.
Stage 3 - You should click here to learn more if you know you’re gay, bi, pansexual--you know you’re attracted to other men, and you’re ready to come out. You simply need the best strategic plan to do so that works in your best interests.
Because I know, in the worst possible way, where you're coming from.
I was about to lose everything and everyone I loved if I came out.
But, that's not all that qualifies me to work with you as your coach!
I'm an International Coaching Federation (ICF) certified coach with a kick-ass, clearly defined coming out process that produces results - drawing from my personal experiences, my training, and 10,000 plus hours of coaching.
I’m not just another man who “came out” of the closet, went through some crap and all of a sudden decided, “I can make money coaching people just the way I did it and because I did it well!” That would be a joke!
Every guys coming out journey is different, and I meet you where you are, and get you where you want to go. I know what it’s like to feel helpless and at the mercy of your sexuality, causing everything else to break down in your life.
Before I came out, I had a wife and two beautiful daughters. My youngest was 9 months old, my oldest, 4 ½. I used to travel for work, so hooking up on the DL wasn’t an issue. It’s easy when you’re away from home; you don’t have to hide much of it. All this worked fine. Staying in the closet was the best thing for me. I felt okay with this. Maybe not happy, but it was better than coming out.
That worked until I went to the gay bars by myself for the first time in London. And there I met a good-looking Brit who sparked up a conversation that lasted 4 hours and we ended up in his hotel. I remember walking out of the lovely hotel he was staying at and feeling messed up inside, but in a really beautiful way.
The sun was brighter. The thoughts I had were clearer. The gait in my step was so powerful. Two days later, we both left. I got on a plane from London to my hometown in the U.S. I landed and called my wife, “As soon as we’re both home tonight, we need to talk.”
I told her that night, “I’m gay. And I met somebody.” My wife was shocked and angry, as you would expect. Ironically enough, though, she wasn’t angry because I was gay. She was angry because I had cheated on her.
I left my house within 24 hours. Leaving my two young daughters behind and my soon-to-be ex-wife, with no reassurance, I would keep the privilege of being a father or a supportive husband. I was about NOT to be a father. I was about NOT to be a husband. But, I was about to be everything I wanted to be in coming to terms with being gay and being myself.
And yet, I was about to lose everything I thought I was supposed to be.
My ex-wife and I had many issues and challenges during the process of me fighting to be with my daughters and being a father. It took years for our family to reach the calm I craved when I came out to my ex-wife.
But at the end of the day, the truth comes down to... “What is good for YOU? What’s going to make you the best possible person you can be in your own life?”
Because when that happens, you become the best possible version of yourself to those you love in your life. And all this fear you feel about exploring your sexuality could lead to you feeling an urge to come out, which will undoubtedly result in disaster in your life…
All of this fear will, without question, go away. But it is a process. And I take you through my 6-step process for Identifying Your Sexuality Truth.
You're feeling stuck and it's time to get unstuck. Now.
"Identifying Your Sexuality" Coaching
Let's cut to the chase. Moving forward in life requires investment.
You don't buy a house without investing. That spanking new car you want requires a down payment.
Hooking up with the right partner means investing time to build the relationship. Invest, invest, invest.
Our coaching relationship is an investment that includes:
- Weekly video 1 hour, private intimate, sessions
- An initial "what that heck's not working" assessment with specific steps start the forward momentum
- Weekly action assignments to help you navigate the journey with dignity and respect for yourself and others!
- Straight-forward tools that put you on track for identifying your sexuality
- Access to me via email, text, or Voxer
- A fluid action plan that morphs depending on your needs
- Results that YOU DEFINE that WE BOTH MAKE HAPPEN, and that FIT YOUR LIFE
All this so you can...
- Feel at peace with yourself at the end of this process because you now finally know who you are, sexually, and what you like and don’t like doing with other men, if anything at all.
- Have a safe space with a coach that isn’t going to judge you to ask all the questions you’ve wanted the answer to that you simply won’t find online.
- Be coached by someone who is not only qualified and trained to do so, but who also understands where you’re coming from.
- Have daily action plans and overall weekly objectives to get you closer to the clarity about your sexuality that you desperately desire.
- Have continuous access to me as your coach whenever challenges might arise from this process of identifying your sexuality.
- Be coached by a guy who specializes in helping you define your sexuality on your terms, but is also aware this is not a 1-stage process but a 3-stage process (this came from years of experience and success in carrying numerous clients through all three stages)
I felt like my life was on cruise control. Moving, but no real fulfilling direction. I was a little fearful about looking deep into my life to see why I was stuck, but the thought of continuing to be stuck was worse. Rick’s provided me with powerful insights and tools to rid myself of my victim mentality. I’m extremely excited that things are looking pretty damn good!
Throughout the 18 months I have worked with Rick, I have developed a genuine, strong, overwhelming love for myself. I no longer have an inner fight going on. I am aware of my thoughts, my actions, my choices, and the energy I put into the world. Now I am a MAN, a GAY man, who can stand up and love himself regardless of who is in the room.
Rick is extremely supportive, full of love and helps you tackle and overcome obstacles in an honest and straightforward fashion. Sometimes we need someone on the outside to guide us through the process and keep us on track to reach our goals. I always feel comfortable talking with Rick, and can tell he is truly listening, cares about what I am saying and wants me to succeed
When I first contacted Rick to begin coaching sessions, I was going through the greatest crisis of my entire life… I had finally come to terms with the fact that I am gay. Rick was a tremendous support for me at that time, thoughtfully walking me through the process of understanding myself and eventually coming out to my family and friends.
Rick’s approach to coaching made all the difference. He never directed me to do anything. He never gave me a recipe for how to live my life. He simply asked questions that allowed me to make my own decisions and to chart my own path.
It’s been two years since I began work with Rick and I have to say, my life is completely transformed. My crisis is in the past and I have reached a place where I am profoundly happy. My relationships with my family and friends are wonderful. I am at peace with myself and I feel like I have a new direction in my life.
Whatever your issues: whether they be coming out, or transitioning to a new phase of life, I highly recommend Rick and his tremendous life coaching abilities.
Achieve the peace of mind you deserve in knowing who you really are!
After getting on a FREE 30-minute strategy session with me, and if you and I agree that we're an awesome fit to make your sexuality journey a reality, we'll step into a 3-month, weekly session program for “Identifying Your Sexuality."
It's a personalized, experience to find your truth, live your life on your terms and uncover your sexuality in a way that makes it work for you.
I do this work to make a living, but I'm also on a mission to reach and support as many men as possible to help them move past their sexuality confusion and live unapologetically as who they are meant to be.
In our strategy session, we will determine the coaching program and investment that works best for you to the achieve peace of mind and clarity for you in your sexuality journey!