You're questioning your sexuality, feeling confused, and scared!
I get it. I've lived it.
I was hiding. Pretending happiness was pulsing through my veins. Secretly stealing glances at men. Watching gay porn, making sure I cleared the cache on my computer. I even got to the point of hooking up with other guys, just to fill a need, which wasn't really a need. It was me being who I was.
Yet, I Hated every bit of who I was. After all, I'd been told since I came out to my parents at age 19, that I couldn't be that...a gay man. That's when the hiding started.
I did all the right stuff. Graduated college. Started my career. Met a woman I connected with that fit the "find a wife" check box. Became of father (no regrets there).
Doing what everyone expected of me. All fueled by the supposed to do...make everyone else happy...not make me.
The fears of getting caught stressed me out, made me anxious, and drove me to hide myself behind a happy, happy, joy, joy facade. I was overweight, drank a little to much at times, and did everything I could to never let anyone discover the real me.
Shame, guilt, fear, and even the thoughts of going to hell, fueled by since fallen by the wayside religious upbringing, caused me to hide myself, my truth, for 36 years. There was no peace of mind to be had. Only the peace of keeping everyone else happy.
Finally, the universe intervened, manifested the right guy, at the right time, in the right situation, causing everything to change. No doubt it helped he was a handsome Brit, in London thousands of miles removed from my life and reality, where there was no possibility of being caught pants down. What I wasn't prepared for, was that was the night there was no sex, I fell in love, and I fell apart.
Within 48 hours I confronted my truth, my wife, and my life.
Within a year, I was an out, divorced gay dad, raising my two young daughters.
Within 3 years I had played the gay dating field, tripping, falling, swooning, and learning the in's and outs of dating men. Finally meeting my prince charming.
In the decade that followed my coming out in 1999, I uncovered me, found my true love, discovered the bliss of being a gay parent, and found my life calling - to coach other men to come out of the closet with dignity and respect for themselves and others - on their terms, their way.
I also discovered, everyone's journey out of the closet is uniquely theirs - including yours. That's where I meet you. In that unique space of where you are, and where you want to go - regardless of which stage of coming out that you are in.
You ask yourself, "Am I gay? But I like women, am I Bisexual? Pansexual?What does it all even mean?
You're confused, unsure if it's just a phase, and worst of all, you're
living in FEAR.
If you're ready to gain clarity NOW and STOP living in fear, find out exactly what you need to do next!
You know you're gay, bisexual,
or somewhere under the
But, is "coming out" really for you? Stop living in fear, making excuses, and "faking it!"
Whether you're ready or not, learn how to improve your quality of life in or out of the closet - without fear!
You know you're gay, and ready to come out, but you just need the best plan to make this a smooth transition.
You're ready to walk through the closet doors no excuses, fears, or apologies to live your BEST life.
It's time to live your life to the fullest as a gay or bisexual man. Now learn more about your next best steps.
You think you're gay or bisexual but you're confused, unsure, and scared!
This is the confusion stage. Not sure if you’re attracted to the same sex, but think you might be. Or, you could be thinking it is some form of latent “teen hormones” kicking in or even a “mid-life” sexual crisis. A good indicator that you’re in Stage 1 is if you find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to sort out your feelings about sex and sexuality. Guilt and shame have taken up residence in your thoughts and you find yourself in a restless and fearful state of disbelief.
- “I'm not enjoying straight sex and want to experience gay sex.”
- "My friends and family will hate me! I'll just live life and hide my truth."
- “God will punish me for being gay, just like everyone has been telling me!"
- Guilt, shame, self-doubt, fear, confusion,
- Despair, denial, and disbelief, lost, unmotivated, and in limbo
- Victimized, lonely, misunderstood, freaked out, and struggling
You find yourself...
- Secretly surfing gay websites and porn, detaching from your straight partner
- Lashing out, constantly in sullen moods, even verbally bashing homosexuals
- Hating on yourself constantly and believing God is testing you
What if instead, you started accepting yourself?
Stage 1 of your coming out journey we work together, getting you comfortable in accepting YOU. We take a laid back, no pressure approach, exploring your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, inviting you to explore your sexuality.
It's a safe space for you to express your fears, confront your confusion, exploring your desires, and ask questions that need answered. We focus on building your courage and confidence, enabling you to step into being who you are without guilt and shame.
No judgments, just empathetic listening and guidance to help you find your answers for taking your next step towards being 100% who you are in your sexuality.
You know you're gay or bisexual, but need to work through some stuff!
Welcome to “Sexuality Conflict 101.” Right now, everything in your life is a contradiction. Inside, you know what’s true for you, but you don’t want to announce it to the world yet! It's too soon to say, "I'm gay or bisexual!" It's good knowing who you are, but you’re still ashamed, scared, and confused. Everything you are right now in this moment is in complete opposition to the life you’ve lived. How you see yourself, how others see you, who you thought you found attractive, it's all one big conflict...up until now!
- “Got to be careful and not get caught, or I'll lose everything.”
- “It’s not just sex. It's not just a phase. There's more to it, I know it!”
- “I'm tired of living a double life, but does God really hate me?"
- Dishonest, ashamed, stressed, tired, overwhelmed and confused
- Adrift, unsure, afraid, trapped, vulnerable, and lost
- Cautious, motivated, willing, excited, curious, and hopeful
You’re find yourself...
- Obsessed with having a gay relationship, hooking up and living a dual life
- Frustrated by your fears, constantly asking yourself, "What's wrong with me?"
- Lying more and being more confused even though you're more than ready to come out
Here's where you start loving, and embracing yourself as you are!
Stage 2 is about navigating the tricky territory of “I’m gay/bisexual but I'm not ready to say it.” It brings you face-to-face with your internal conflicts, and deep-seeded fears, and your made up stories about how others are going to react - and tells all that crap to take a hike. Yup we work together to build your courage and commitment to being you.
Through a simple, heart-felt exchange of ideas, we explore the reality of powerfully moving your life forward in your life without committing to actions that put you in a scary place. We're simply creating options and possibilities.
The goal - to embrace yourself in your own “Gay or Bisexual Skin,” with the confidence to “come out” on your terms based on your version of integrity, truth, and authenticity.
Stage #3 - You're know you're gay or bisexual, ready to come out, and need a plan
You’ve got your hand on the “closet door,” ready to step through. You've built the courage and confidence to move forward. You’ve probably already got one foot out the door. Only thing standing in your way making the move and fully trusting that you've got this and that you will be just fine. Now it's a matter of standing proud in your truth, designing a plan of action for bringing more people into your truth, and having a road map to purposefully step into your gay life, your way, on your terms.
- “I'm ready to share my truth, regardless of what others think!"
- “This is painful, but I love myself enough to do this!"
- “Will I fit into the gay culture, ad find the right relationship?”
- Vulnerable, anxious, fearful, uncertain, drained, moody, and indifferent
- Emotional, certain, inspired, calm, peaceful, and connected
- Alive, focused, aware, excited, inspired, and invincible
You find yourself...
- Realizing being gay is just who you are, being more open about your sexuality
- Deeply re-evaluating your beliefs content with your decision to come out
- Experiencing a sense of calm you've not felt, and evaluating your next steps
Living your truth as a gay or bisexual man - no excuses, no fears, no apologies!
Stage 3 is ready to roll time. Get in action, step into your power, and own the truth of who you are. We design a plan that serves you in all areas of your life as you step “out of the closet" to BE YOU - whether you're gay or bisexual.
Tapping into your confidence, we focus on what needs to be done, so you come alive and can commit to living powerfully as a gay or bisexual man in society - where being gay or bisexual is just one part of who you are, not your entire identity.
We create a focused, purposeful, intentional direction,empowering you to take the right action for your life, coming out where it fits for you - no excuses, no fears, no apologies!
"Coming Out" Coaching Packages
Let's cut to the chase. To make a move in life, especially coming out of the closet, involves investment. You don't buy a house without investing. That spanking new car you want requires a down payment. Hooking up with the right partner means investing time to build the relationship. Invest, invest, invest.
The same is required when it comes time to navigate and make the decision to come out of the closet! It's a commitment and an investment in yourself. Hiring a coach will help smooth the transition from in the closet to out of the closet.
If you and I agree we're an awesome fit to make your coming out journey a reality, I require a 3-month, minimum commitment to be your coming out guide and coach. Our relationship includes:
- Weekly meetings or video calls of 1 hour each, for 3 - 6 months
- Initial "what's not working" assessment
- Weekly action assignments for helping you navigate the journey with dignity and respect for yourself and others
- Straight-forward tools for keeping you on track
- Access to me via email, text, or Voxer
- Fluid action plan that morphs depending on your needs
- RESULTS THAT YOU DEFINE, THAT WE MAKE HAPPEN, THAT FIT YOUR LIFE
$800 a month
4, 60-minute sessions
Unlimited support between sessions
I felt like my life was on cruise control. Moving, but no real fulfilling direction. I was a little fearful about looking deep into my life to see why I was stuck, but the thought of continuing to be stuck was worse. Rick’s provided me with powerful insights and tools to rid myself of my victim mentality. I’m extremely excited that things are looking pretty damn good!
Throughout the 18 months I have worked with Rick, I have developed a genuine, strong, overwhelming love for myself. I no longer have an inner fight going on. I am aware of my thoughts, my actions, my choices, and the energy I put into the world. Now I am a MAN, a GAY man, who can stand up and love himself regardless of who is in the room.
Rick is extremely supportive, full of love and helps you tackle and overcome obstacles in an honest and straightforward fashion. Sometimes we need someone on the outside to guide us through the process and keep us on track to reach our goals. I always feel comfortable talking with Rick, and can tell he is truly listening, cares about what I am saying and wants me to succeed
When I first contacted Rick to begin coaching sessions, I was going through the greatest crisis of my entire life… I had finally come to terms with the fact that I am gay. Rick was a tremendous support for me at that time, thoughtfully walking me through the process of understanding myself and eventually coming out to my family and friends.
Rick’s approach to coaching made all the difference. He never directed me to do anything. He never gave me a recipe for how to live my life. He simply asked questions that allowed me to make my own decisions and to chart my own path.
It’s been two years since I began work with Rick and I have to say, my life is completely transformed. My crisis is in the past and I have reached a place where I am profoundly happy. My relationships with my family and friends are wonderful. I am at peace with myself and I feel like I have a new direction in my life.
Whatever your issues: whether they be coming out, or transitioning to a new phase of life, I highly recommend Rick and his tremendous life coaching abilities.
Never miss a 40 Plus Gay Men's Chat! Sign-up to be on the email notification list!
PLEASE NOTE: Your information will be used to send you this quiz and to subscribe you to our weekly mailings.